Flare Time Outtake - The Net Authority hates Google

Flare Time 38 - The Net Authority Hates Google

Hello, everyone, Flare's back with another one of his pointless ramblings. I've just gotten back from celebrating my 21st birthday, which entailed much drinking of course and me wanting to give everyone hugs. However, my article is not about my drunken adventure, but rather, about a ridiculous website called Net Authority.

Net Authority is a database of website that the crazy fundamentalist nuts that run the website consider offensive. And no, it's not just porn, even Google is considered offensive. Here are their five guidelines:

1. Thou shalt not post pornographic material.

There is a common misconception that pornography is limited purely to images or textual descriptions of an explicit sexual nature. This is not the case. Anything that can evoke impure thoughts in the mind of the beholder is pornographic.

So basically, your attractive member of the sex that you are attracted to is considered pornographic. They also consider pictures of animals that show their genitalia to be pornographic. Also, this picture is pornographic:

OMG HARDCORE BABY PR0N!!!

2. Thou shalt not post hateful material.

Any material that promotes or inspires hatred or violence towards any other person or group of people is strictly forbidden.

They banned the University of North Dakota for this reason. Universities are such hatemongers, even more so than the KKK.

3. Thou shalt not post blasphemous material.

Any material that would lead one astray from the righteous path of the one true God must not be permitted on the Internet. These days children are gaining access to the Internet at younger and younger ages—a time when they are most vulnerable and susceptible to blasphemous viewpoints and suggestions.

Yes, we can't even think for ourselves and decide our own religious path. Freedom of religion is now offensive, good fucking job.

4. Thou shalt not post materials of an offensive political nature.

OMG politics! People are not allowed to be confronted with opposing views now! We must become a society of thoughtless drones if we are to submit to our overlords at the Net Authority.

5. Thou shalt not post materials concerning bestiality, including interracial relationships.

God did not intend for different species or races to intermingle sexually. Any content that contradicts this natural law, directly or indirectly, is strictly forbidden.

Doesn't this contradict rule 2? You are inciting hate against interracial couples! Hence, the Net Authority should be shut down by these standards because they are racist as hell.

Here are some websites they consider offensive:

The Weather Network for hateful material, blasphemy, and offensive political material.

U.S. Department of Defense for all 5 reasons above.

University of North Dakota for hateful material

John Edwards for President for hateful material, blasphemy, and offensive political material

YTV for porn, blasphemy, offensive political material, and bestiality

United States Holocaust Memorial Museum for hate and offensive politcal material. This one is especially creepy, apparently we have some Holocaust denyers running the site.

Daily Kitten for porn and bestiality

Black Entertainment Television for blasphemy, offensive political material, and bestiality. They consider black people to be animals, apparently.

March of Dimes for porn, blasphemy, offensive politics, and bestiality.

Marine Toys for Tots Foundation for porn

Kentucky Fried Chicken for porn and bestiality.

Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency for hate, blasphemy, and offensive politics

Anti-Slavery Homepage for all 5 reasons above

The Beatles' webpage for all 5 reasons

There are many other absurd examples, but these take the cake. Hell, fucking Google is on there for all 5 reasons. Yes, that's right, Google. Maybe they find the plain white background to be pornographic. Man, these guys are fucking creeps when they say that sites like Kentucky Fried Chicken are considered bestiality. I leave you all to basically observe the site, and I've even added wylfwt.com as a joke. Our entry should be up pretty soon, for we do break all 5 of those rules here. Anyways, my rant is over, you should get a laugh from their website, I know I sure as hell did.