Would You Like Fries With That? #562 - 6.6.6

Warning: I like to bring things back from the dead... a lot. Oh yeah, and getting offended by this column does serious damage to your gall bladder. Then again, if said gall bladder has already been removed...then be offended all you want!)

"It won't be long, we'll meet again. Your memory is never passing. It won't be long, we'll meet again. My love for you is everlasting." - "Rose of Sharyn" by Killswitch Engage

::"Zombie Shock Treatment" by Hero Estates plays....and RJ45 comes out to a collective "WHAT THE FUCK?!"::::

Oh baby...It's me! It's me! That's fuckin right! It is that Are Jay to the Four Five! It is time to finally play the game once again! RJ45 has brought another one back from the freakin' dead. No more appropriately than on 6.6.6!

QUICK HISTORY LESSON: Seven Years Ago on February 11th, I decided to start writing random ramblings in a column. I sent it out to a few friends. It had a small cult following in the school. However, it would never go beyond that. The humor was ranged anywhere from very unrefined and rough down to just outright manic. It dwindled down over the years. So, in 2002, I decided to kill it mercifully as my heart just wasn't in it anymore.

NOW, Would You Like Fries With That? the column with seemingly strange random thoughts is back! Why? Well, why the fuck not? The last WYLFWT? was a sad one and seemed to have a feeling of "very unresolved." I figure it was time to finally possibly polish off the horrible legacy of that awful column a bit. Let us give this thing one more chance. Why not?

The entire premise of this will be my random thoughts that I couldn't quite put in an entire article or a whole Free Floatin' Hostility rant. Some of these will be funny. Some of these won't. They are basically jokes in my head that I just didn't want to go to waste.

So, shall we start? :-D

According to various sources, May was supposed to be "National Masturbation Month." ... ... ...I fell behind.

People ask me what my stance on hunting  My stance is simply this...DEER, if our guns don't kill them, our cars will. Well, that and deer sausage kicks serious ass.

Statistics show that the average worker screws around for about 2 hours out of each work day. I view that as a challenge and, thus, I try to make it an effort to screw around for MUCH MORE than 2 hours during the work day.

Sometimes I'm so poor that I want run outside. Once I am outside I shake my fist at the sky and scream "DAMN YOU JACK SHIT! WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY DON'T I HAVE YOU!!!"

THE ABSOLUTE CRUSHING DEFEAT: Personally, I believe the absolute crushing defeat in someone's life is when you buy a bottle of soda. Then after you buy that soda you open that sucker up. You flip that bottle cap over and BOOM..."Drink Pepsi, Play Again!" NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Whatever happened to Linkin Park?

I think I have the perfect song title for the College Student. "God, Please Bless This Index."

The other day I went to go air up my tire. After going to several gas stations with either broken or dismantled airing stations, I was bit skeptical of one that I found. So I stuck the hose up to my ear and pressed in on the little button. Much to my surprise, it was a working air hose, as I accidentally blew air in my ear. I guess that officially confirms that I am an air head.

Here's a statement that pretty much sums up the world: Too Many Idiots...Not Enough Bullets.

The other day I almost came within seconds of hitting a St. Bernard. I wonder if that would have finished Beethoven's 10th Symphony.

The Following Jokes Are Out and Should Be Slaughtered:

    - "When is a door not a door? When it is a jar!"
    - "You know what happens when you assume something. You make an ASS out of U and ME. HAHAHAHA!"
    - "Your momma is so fat/stupid/old/slutty/etc."

The Following Jokes Are In and Should Be Used in Regular Conversation:

    - "Your face is ____(insert previous statement person just said)"
    - "Let's make-out"

Is it just me or regular Mountain Dew cans that have been sitting in a cooler of melted ice smell like Mountain Shoe?

Why do I have this very very uneasy feeling that my tombstone will read "Would You Like Fries With That?"

Ladies and gentlemen...when life's got you down, and there is nothing else to do... masturbate.

RJ's Latest Car Story: Coming out of work, I came within seconds of reporting my own car stolen. However, after 10 minutes of searching...I forgot the tiny little fact that we had a new car.

Remember...always be yourself. That is of course unless you suck.

I hate these "If at first you don't succeed... Try Try Again" fuckheads. I recently adopted the motto of "If it at first you don't succeed...GIVE UP!" I really have to say, I have doubled my free time ever since.

Why do we have those displays on the roads that tell you what speed you are going? I have found a similar device, myself. It is right there... in my dashboard! Personally, I don't get scared of these. In fact, I make a game of it and go faster. I try to get the high score. I'm a competitive kind of guy!

Website of the Day: The Best Page in the Universe - http://maddox.xmission.com

True Bizarre Story of the Day: Hell, Mich., heats up for 6-6-6 party

Song of the Day: "This Desparate Lie" by This Burning Earth

Poem of the Day: Creatures of Night's Creation

Video of the Day: M.A.L.L.A.R.D.

Art of the Day:  "Stage Makeup" by EmmyLouAngel

Well, that does it for today guys! Whenever I build up more of these, you will see the next Would You Like Fries With That? Hit me up with some feedback if got some!

That's right, he's the innovator, always showing you the utmost brighter side of life I tell you...and baby, I say accept NO imitations...he is none other than:

RICHIE "RJ45" JACKSON!!!!

P.S. Would You Like Fries With That?