| Title | Author | Posted |
|---|---|---|
| WHO NEEDS GUNS?! | RJ45 | 12/03/2008 - 5:42pm |
| WHOOOOOOOO | spicyman11 | 12/03/2008 - 5:38pm |
| HA! | spicyman11 | 12/02/2008 - 10:12pm |
| Right With White is a stark | LukeBusy (not verified) | 12/02/2008 - 3:44pm |
| before you embarrass | Anonymous (not verified) | 12/01/2008 - 5:10pm |
My Top Five Worst Dates
Submitted by the_ninja_style on Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:56am.
Somehow RJ45 and I started talking about my dating years.
It seems that I've probably had some of the most interesting dating experiences one could have. Because of this, I thought I would post my top five worst dates.
Did I mention I live with my mom, and that I'm grounded?
Guy: Tom
Age: 21
I met this guy at Starbucks. There was only one table left with two chairs. He offered me the other chair and we started talking. After a bit, we exchange numbers and go on our way.
A week later he calls me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I agree and we set up a date.
The day of the day he calls me and asks if we could have a change of plans. Instead of going out, I agree to go to his house. I end up driving to the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere. Literally between a corn field and a bean field.
I ask him why I had to drive there, he wasn't sick and his car wasn't broke. He tells me, "My mom grounded me."
I was stunned into silence for a moment and then asked, "You are 21 right?"
He assures me he is, and then asked me why.
Oh I don't know, maybe because your mom grounded you!
Obviously, there was no second date.
Nothing says sexay like a trip to the hospital!
Guy: Michael
Age: 25
Michael and I spent most of our first date at an arcade. I was wearing boots with a tall skinny heel that I normally walk very well in.
For whatever reason, while I was playing air hockey I kept my knees locked and when we were done, I turned, my knee popped and I went down. Hard. My head met the air hockey table with a thud. 95% of this air hockey table is a solid flat surface. I manage to hit the 5% that is not. My head connected with the sharp metal edge of the coin holder and left a huge gash.
There's blood every where. Then there is mall security every where. Then there is an ambulance and medical people every where.
Michael was nice enough to drive me home after the ER visit. However the medication I was on had made me loopy and when he dropped me off, I gave him a kiss and told him I loved him.
The deer in the headlights look I got spoke volumes, and after the medication wore off I realized that I shouldn't hold my breath for a second date.
Pizza is Italian!
Guy: Sharell
Age: 27
Sharell and I met in a music store at the mall. He was passing out CD's with a crappy album cover. I told him I could design him a better one and we started talking. He told me he was signed to a label that didn't spend much time on new artists album covers.
After some more talking he asked me on a date, and I agreed.
The night of the date, I was dressed casually in some jeans and a sweater. 30 minutes past the time we had agreed for him to pick me up, he calls to tell me his driver is running late.
I hang up and scream, "OH MY GOD HE'S PICKING ME UP IN A LIMO!"
I change faster than any woman usually changes for a date. By the time he arrives, I look like I'm going to the damn prom.
I open the door and in my driveway is... a taxi.
OK, my fault for hugely over reacting.
So I get into the taxi (which he didn't bother to get out of, by the way) and he says, "So do you like Italian? I'm going to take us to a great Italian place."
We pull up to Pizza Hut.
After we eat our pizza he says to me, "Um my deal hasn't actually come through yet and I spent all my money on the taxi. Can you get this?"
I ended up paying for both the pizza, and the taxi back home.
My mommy says I gotta be home by 10
Guy: Kyle
Age: 18
Kyle was a co-worker of mine and we always had good conversation. After some encouraging from our co-workers we went on a date.
Kyle didn't have a car so I agreed to pick him up. I show up at his house and he tells me that I have to meet his parents. A little odd, ok a lot odd but whatever. I impress his parents and we're on our way out the door. It was then I hear, "Have my baby home by 10!"
I think she's joking, Kyle tells me she's not.
We eat at a steak house, where Kyle proceeds to tell me that I am making him feel like a pig because I ordered a lot less food than him. Yes well you're a 6'4 man and I am not. It's not like I ordered a crouton and some water! My steak and baked potato is enough for me, thank you.
During basic getting to know you conversation, I ask him if he has any siblings. He tells me this horrific story about how his brother died and then lectures me on asking him.
I'm so sorry, I left my mind reading skills at home.
Next it's on to a movie. I suggest something in the Rated R category. He suggests a Disney Movie instead. I agree and he steps up to the window and loudly says, "One please."
He then turns to me and says, "My mom said I shouldn't pay for both of us for everything."
And did mommy also say there isn't going to be a second date? Because there's not.
Note to self - Self Employed means he's a drug dealer
Guy: Tyrese
Age: 32
I met Tyrese while car shopping. We went on a few dates and he was pretty quiet about what he did but he did tell me that he was self employed in sales. I figured he must do pretty well, as he always dressed nice and drove a Benz. He was rather quiet over all, so I didn't press the issue.
After date four he asked me if I would like to go back to his house and I agreed. A few blocks from his house I noticed he kept looking in his mirror and I asked if everything was OK.
He tells me, "I think that's a cop following me." I look out my mirror and see there isn't just one cop car. There's three cop cars. It was at that point I realize the helicopter over head had been above us for several blocks.
We get by his house and suddenly the cop lights are on, the helicopter spot light is on and there is a man with a large gun pointed at me through the window.
People are screaming "Get on the ground!" and I'm being pulled from the car.
Several background checks later I'm given bail.
Many months later, who calls me but Tyrese. He's set for parole in two months and would I be interested in getting together? Right before I hung up he says, "I bet you never experienced anything like that before!"
And never again Tyrese, never again.
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Hah!
That's the best read I've had in a long while. I hope you've had better luck with other men!
Thanks again for the great read,
Dom
awesome!
Glad you liked it Dom! I appreciate the feedback.
the_ninja_style,
My life is your entertainment!
Do you love Italian?
I'm sorry, but the "Do you love Italian?" guy is the fucking bomb! The story was starting off great, and then the Pizza Hut thing was just... oh wow...
And note to my fellow guys, listen to my only dating advice that I have. Is it your first date? It is? Pay the fucking movie ticket! Her money doesn't get introduced into the equation until maybe 3 months in... and don't listen to your mother if she says otherwise.
As a result of this post, I don't think I will ever think of "Self-Employed" the same ever again. Right now, my dad told me he is self-employed. Hmmmm.....
My Top Five Worst Dates
It would seem you 'exchange phone numbers' a wee bit too easily.
Try just lunch next time- get to KNOW the guy before even going on a real date!
Alternatively, consider dating a more mature guy, in years, as well as emotionally.
(I'm 50, but have the 'mind' of a 28 year old!- we'd probably get along great!
I know, gray hair and dentures make you go ick. Just remember, the clock stops for none of us, and one day, you too will be where I am.
Till then, be more careful.
And what do you consider
And what do you consider lunch with someone you just met and are interested in?
A pre-date? A pretend date?
It's a date no matter how you slice it.
And how is this magical non-date lunch supposed to come to be if numbers are not exchanged?
Your dated view on how this woman should run her dating life is too contradictory.
Wtf?
First: Lunch isn't a date. I dunno where the hell you're from, or what deluded fantasy you live in, but there's a pretty big difference between getting lunch with somebody you're potentially interested in and taking them out on a real date. Maybe you're one of those emotionally immature individuals that guy was talking about. I say this because the last time I saw getting lunch with an attractive colleague as a date was, uh, eighth grade. So no, it's not a true date "no matter how you slice it," smartass.
Second: You don't need to get a number to go to lunch with the person if you're talking to them face-to-face and you two agree on the spot to go to lunch. Obviously. Personally, I think if you just met somebody and you feel compelled to get their number even though you know so little about them, you're trying way too hard. Hell, maybe I'm just too good, because I've never had to do that to get laid. (Don't get me wrong. I know it's not all about sex; that's why I have a steady girlfriend, and fortunately I haven't fallen into the trap of marriage as you may have, judging by how misconstrued your perception of dating is).
But I doubt you care what I or anyone else posting here thinks. Fuck, I don't. The only reason I even took the time to reply to your half-wit comment is because it... burned my eyes with its shortsighted content.
So I guess you're much of an authority on dating. Apparently not in the game too much, huh?
The answer to all following replies to me is "Kiss my ass." So don't bother. :D
I would say even if you
I would say even if you agreed on just a lunch get together, to get their number. If I came down with a cold, or something happened that I wouldn't be able to show up, I would want to call them before they drove some place only to find out I wasn't going to make it.
if i am expected to kiss
if i am expected to kiss your ass, i expect dinner...first.
good rebuttal, zorn. i agree, lunch is not a date
My Contrbution
A few years back, I took a girl to the cinema to see a chick flick. It was a first date, so dinner was not needed. I drove, paid for both tickets, paid for all the popcorn, sweets (candy) drinks, nachos and hotdogs she wanted and we watched the film.
Afterwards, in the car, she was being unusually sombre. I asked what was wrong...
"You're just not Alex"
Alex had broken up with her 2 years before i met her.
Similarly to above, a second date did not happen.
Whoa, creepy. You have to
Whoa, creepy.
You have to wonder if you were her first date in 2 years. Even then, get over the guy all ready!
the_ninja_style,
My life is your entertainment!
Okay, My Worst Date
I guess since we getting a trend going here...
Its not really a funny story like yours, but it ...
It was a first date with a girl named Tammy and we decided on having a group date. It was my first "real" date, too.
Only all of my friends back out like 1 hour before its showtime. So, her and a van of 3 of her crazy and annoying friends arrive. I have to put up with them being like all clique-y, their inside jokes, and other crap. I was literally the 5th wheel there. I was surprised Tammy and I sat next to each other during the movie. So here I am, I barely know my date, and I don't even know who 2 of the 3 other girls are, and one I did know just got released from the hospital so she was kind of out of it.
Basically, Tammy and I didn't say anything outside of "Hi."
Apparently afterwards her nickname for me became "The Jerk."
"The Jerk? I didn't fucking do anything! Hell you didn't fucking do anything! Hence why we never had a 2nd date!"
A month later, I had an actual picture perfect teenage first date and that relationship lasted 6 months, which is like 6 years in high school dating years.
hahaha
you poor girl! i think after the drug dealing one i would have decided to start going after chicks lol. thanks for the laugh!!
I had a bad double date
I had a bad double date once,the two slutty chicks,my friend and i decided to get high on bhang(a marijuana drink in India).The girls only took a sip and said there heads are spinning so i said cockily,"give them all to me and i did drink them all"...10 minutes later my car was hanging on a divider.
hahahaha
Thank you so much for this :)
it really made my day!
I have only been on 1 REAL date EVER and the relationship lasted several years ....
thanks
NICE!
loved it. please link to some of your other stuff. im new here.
I have 3 things that are
I have 3 things that are updated weekly. You can find them here:
http://wylfwt.com/home/gossip
http://wylfwt.com/home/cooking
My other writing is here:
http://wylfwt.com/home/daily-articles/the-ninja-style
the_ninja_style,
My life is your entertainment!
I have TWO things that are
I have TWO things that are updated weekly.
This is why I should not type and talk at the same time, I end up looking like a dumbass.
the_ninja_style,
My life is your entertainment!
:D
:D LOLZ ZOMG UR A WHORE WHOC CAIRES FOR NOTHING LESS THAN MONEY AND.... MONEY@ LOZL! ZOMG.
gtfo.
Think about it
Statistically to for so much dodgy luck you must really get around.
You would think huh? But no,
You would think huh? But no, I didn't. I went through a stage of "OMG I hate being single" and felt the need to date a bunch of different guys. That lasted 5 months until I found the guy I've now been with for 3 years.
the_ninja_style,
My life is your entertainment!
I feel ya...
Damn, and I thought my luck with guys was bad.
I swear, most of the male population lives with their parents, either don't have a car or don't have a license, and still expect to impress a female when they pass the check. Whatever happened to the guys who pick you up, pay for everything, and only expect sex in return?
Hehehe. In a perfect world...
I can't say my dating experience has been as bad as yours. Maybe someday guys will understand that the McDonald's drive-thru and 2 hours in the Wal-Mart electronics department does not make for a romantic evening.
wow. just wow. you are soooo
wow. just wow. you are soooo shallow.
worst first date
now 53 and much wiser. after going for a ride around a local lake, stopping at a graveyard where, my "date" stopped to visit his dead babby's grave,we proceeded to the open all night pancake house,where we had met up to go on said DATE, i ordered excused myself to the ladies room and ran like hell out the door got in my car and never looked back. So beware of first impressions I thought he seemed stable and sane NOT LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
And that's why white women
And that's why white women should not date black males!
Okay...
That's just not cool to say because:
#1. You are making assumptions.
#2. For every African-American drug dealer, there is a white drug dealer, a Latino drug dealer, an Asian drug dealer, etc etc.
#3. Its clearly racist and racist behavior will not be tolerated here. That's the only warning I will post on this thread. Any further comments similar to this one will be deleted and their IPs banned.
yeah but white men are so
yeah but white men are so gross and pale and they have small penii.
white men are so
Boy, them pimply faced 13 year olds!
oh man
oh dating world, why have you forsaken me so!
I have some money, a car, a job....but guess what
YOU ALSO NEED SOCIAL SKILLS!!!
or no matter how normal you are in reality, you will become the strange/quiet/weirdo of the date, welcome to my dating life...talk about things that people relate to but don't say them right to the right person at the right time, and your on the rocks.
that first date is a game, no better yet, a fight. so use anything you can to win, cause if it works, once your in with them and it's comfortable, you can take back lies and whatnot and still be fine...(in theory). holding back the inner crazy is key, while making them feel crazy, then you can comfort them...and your role is set.
with my amazing social skills I just assume scream at a girl, "DO YOU LIKE ME???!!!"
and run, ya, my life has been jaded thus far, and as much as the world tells me i should be over it, and I try, my first experiences have had a lasting effect.
but...it saves me money in the long run...ya, that's a good reason...hehe...
oops
i guess I was a little angry on that last reply
I'm not really that messed up, or pissed, but i guess I am a bit jaded
glad to know
I am just glad to know I am not the only one who goes through stuff like this. If most men weren't like this there wouldn't be so many intelligent nice single women out here. Oh well, the search continues. Like Billie Holiday sings; "One day he'll come along, the man I love"...
Wasn't it obvious?
I apologize to the author, but some of these guys couldn't have been more obvious non-date material if they were wearing a "Don't date me, I'm a loser" signs. I mean, really...'Hi, my name is Tyrese. I'm "self-employed" in "sales" and I drive a benz'. Does he have to actually do air-quotes to make you get the hint? Please tell me he had a gold tooth and a clock around his neck. Did you really need a helicopter spotlight to see that he was a drug dealer?
Here's a hint. If you seem to go on a lot of bad dates, perhaps you should change your date choosing criteria to include things other than: "Is it a human?" and "Does it have a phone?".
Here are few insider tips the ladies can use to prevent bad dates:
1) Though you may be attracted to self-confidence, it is MEANINGLESS. Eons of evolution have granted us guys the ability to put on a false screen of self-confidence even in the face of unrelenting personal failure. Find something else that attracts you to him.
2) There are a few surefire indicators that a guy is a douchebag. Here are the top 5.
One or more popped shirt collars = douchebag.
Possibly spends more on hair products than you = douchebag.
Multiple uses of the word "dude" in any 5 minute time span = douchebag.
Wearing pink = douchebag.
Drives something expensive and makes sure to tell you about it = douchebag.
3) Before you even get to the point of exchanging numbers, ask him a difficult question. This tip alone could save you years of frustration. In an instant you will be able to judge how much he's actually listening to you, his general intelligence, and even his ability to articulate a complex abstract concept. It's probably a good idea to think of a question ahead of time and have an answer of your own. If you really want to narrow it down, pick something hard like "What do you think about String Theory?"
4) Date a geek. I know, I know, you have this stereotypical image of geeks, but really, there are plenty of us that bathe, and use mouthwash, and all that stuff. And honestly, have the overconfident self-absorbed guys been working out that well? Once you get to know a geek, you'll probably find that he's smart, entertaining, concerned with pleasing you, and a decent listener. Not to mention geeks can fix your computer, setup your new entertainment center, help you pick the best cellphone, etc. They're the new handyman. Plus, they're more likely to pick up the tab than some guy passing out CDs at a mall music store ;).
You might have to make the first move to get a geek to talk to you. Lucky for you, you're a girl, so there's little chance of rejection. If you need an ice-breaker, start reading http://slashdot.org
Hope that helps. :)
you rock
that is freakin sweet
Good on you!
Hilarious! The Pizza guy killed it!
It's easy to forget that there are other girls having bad dates!!
Dating is all about throwing yourself out there and going out with random people.
I moved to the city where I didnt know anyone, so there was a choice of staying home alone or giving someone new a chance and going out with them.
I love the thrill of meeting new people, and wouldnt stop for all the bad dates in the world.
Check out my blog for a few other stories.
http://scarlet47.blogspot.com
Not my best moment
I meet an incredibly beautiful and intelligent girl hanging out at a party back in my college sports days. She's being hit on by every guy in the place, but I say something smart and suddenly she's into me and I get her digits, making all my teammates think I'm frickin' Casanova.
First date and suddenly I'm Benny Hill or something. I show up late, can't say the right thing, make a total fool of myself, and run over a bunny on the drive home. I, stupidly, call her and ask for a second date. She tells me she has started seeing my chemistry professor. I was crushed for months after that. I still passed chemistry, though.
New data?
will you go out with me? I live in a cage at the eastern border of Afghanistan. But my family is rich and is supported by your government. They even did a demolition job for me in your country. Please call!
You gotta be joking me
You gotta be joking me right? Are these guys that dumb. Even i could have done better and i've been single all my life, i mean pizza hut, woow, just the place you take a girl for the first date. And i-gotta-be-home-by-10-guy GET A LIFE. Overall hilarious stories, you really made my day.
To date those guys i think
To date those guys i think its says something for you
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