10 of the Dumbest Slasher Films Out There

Back in the early 1980s, a trend started in the film industry for what is called "The Slasher Film." Basically, unstoppable insane maniac, usually in a mask, kills a bunch of teenagers with a sharp object of some sorts, only to be overtaken by the only surviving virtuous "final girl." They made a lot of money and they were extremely cheap to produce. So, you saw one open up at #1 in the theaters damn near every weekend from 1981 to 1983.

So I get asked quite often "You like those movies? They aren't even scary. They're just showing gore."

You're right, most of them aren't scary or even disturbing. I don't watch the movies for the gore at all. Although, you have to respect them because they made a lot of makeup and special effect advances with these films whether you like it or not. I watch the movies because I love things that are cliche'd. 99% of these movies are cliche's. 90% of them aren't even worth watching. The "gore" usually isn't even realistic at all. The acting usually makes Purple Rain look like a masterpiece. I end up laughing half the time because they are really trying to scare you and it just doesn't work.

Now that is my motivation. I can not speak for the rest of the fan base, but that is where I stand on it.

So, I have picked 10 of the dumbest slasher films out there. This, is by no means, "THE TOP 10," but 10 that a few people I have consulted including Rogxue and MyLastSerenade plus myself have come up with.

10. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

How can you follow up one of the greatest and chilling movies of all time with perhaps one of the most dull and idiotic followups ever? Well, Jack Sholder and Robert Shaye are apparently overachievers. Rather than have Freddy continue with the frightening thought of killing people in their dreams, let us have him manipulate a kid into killing for him in the real world, leaving everyone's dreams alone. Yeah, that is much more scarier. :: rolls eyes ::

Thankfully, Part III: Dream Warriors totally redeemed the series again, but many were still left with a bad taste in their mouth after this blunder.

9. Psycho (1998 remake)

This poor "shot for shot" remake of Alfred Hitchcock's classic is, quite frankly, a steaming pile of shit. Pointless! If you are doing a remake, its about doing your own interpretation. It won't be as good, but at least it won't be a blatant ripoff!

Plus... Vince Vaughan? Vince Vaughan?! COME ON! You can't do any better than that for Norman Bates? I like Vince Vaughan, but he is not Norman Bates. They could of casted Robin Williams, Johnny Depp, Robert Sean Leonard, or even a potato as Mr. Bates and I would have bought it a lot more.

8. Hell Night (1981)

Words can not express just how dumb this movie is from beginning to end. Between a guy stealing guns from a police station after they laughed his claims of the slaughter off as a prank and the villain that looks like a crossbread between Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, and the Wolfman, this is just an atrocious movie.

Here is the villain:

This picture makes me laugh every time I see it.

Linda Blair is absolutely hot in this film, though, for whatever that is worth.

7. Uncle Sam (1997)

A Desert Storm veteran named Sam rises from the dead and kills a whole bunch of people for no reason. Welcome to quite possibly the most laughable villain to be found in most horror movies. It is Uncle Sam!

Really, nothing more than can be said than what the DVD cover right there says.

5. Arbor Day

Tagline: Some use their axe to chop trees. Jimmy uses it to chop bodies.

4. Camp Mid Evil

Tagline: Off with their heads!

3. Lake Terror

Tagline: Hooked, Lined, and Killer

2. Slumber Sorority Cheerleader Summer Camp Day Massacre

Tagline: PURE EVIL!

1. Thanksgiving Feast

Tagline: This year, the turkey won't be the only thing that gets carved.

6. Bloody Murder (2000)

I'm going to pitch you a movie idea. How about tortured serial killer wearing a hockey mask who kills camp counselors with a chainsaw. I am pretty sure absolutely nobody has ever done any of those aspects in a movie EVER.

5. The Pumpkin Karver (2006)

So, a couple of years ago, my wife (then fiance), her twin sister, and I went to Blockbuster to rent scary movies. I pushed for See No Evil. They, for whatever fucking reason that I will never know, gravitated towards The Pumpkin Karver. About 40 minutes of the movie, they wanted to turn it off, but I insisted that we finished it because that's the movie they REALLY wanted.

The plot makes less sense than what you usually get. The twist is predictable, and what is this shit with pumpkins? Who dedicates that much time and a part of their lives to pumpkin carving. Really?

Highlights include Peoria, IL's own and very hot Amy Weber, ex-WWE Diva and some guy peeing on his own head after decapitation. So Google Amy Weber pictures and laugh at the thought of the 2nd part and you now just got everything you need out of this movie.

Also, randomly, this old crazy guy will come up to our hero and scream with a southern drawl "YER A CARRRVERRR!!" for no real reason whatsoever other than to be a spaz. He makes Crazy Ralph from Friday the 13th look sane.

Slasher fanatics will actually defend this movie saying that its actually good. I say, stay away from this trash.

By the way, the horrifying DVD cover, yeah it has absolutely nothing to do with the movie whatsoever. Just so you know. So basically, the cover is scarier and better than the actual movie.

4. Jack Frost (1996)

One of my consultants that I used when making this list brought this one up. I had tried to block it out of my head. I really tried.

I'm sorry, I've got nothing. Just look at the cover and that should pretty much sum up why its on this list.

5. A Nightmare on Elm Street Part III: Dream Warriors
4. Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses
3. Scream
2. A Nightmare on Elm Street
1. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

3. Leprechaun: In the Hood (2000)

Aside from how unneccessary this sequel is, let alone any Leprachaun movies to begin with, this film is absolutely horrible and not scary in any way shape or form.

With Ice-T sporting an afro at the beginning and Leprochaun smoking dope, you would think this could be a "So bad its good" movie. However, there are absolutely no sympathetic or redeemable characters. The movie just kind of plods around. All of that makes what could have been a campy cult classic into a dull underwhelming borefest.

Here's a great idea for a movie...

Why don't we take Leatherface, one of the biggest and scariest horror movie icons of all time and let us turn him into a yelping crossdresser. While we are at it, let us make sure that nobody actually gets killed by a chainsaw, just let him swing it around a few times. While we are at it, instead of having them be a cannibalistic family which has worked well in the previous films, let this all be a part of a government experiment in terrorizing random people.

The acting in this film is astrocious. This was both one of Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger's earliest films, and Matthew was a little over-the-top. By a little, I mean completely, of course.

Fund it! Film it! Produce it! Release it! Everyone is going to LOVE it! While I hate this movie, it is one of those I show to friends because it almost makes the "So bad, its good" category.

1. Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (1988)

The horrible sequel to perhaps the most controversial slasher films of the 1980s. Parents did not like the concept of a killer Santa Clause. Basically, this film is almost nothingbut flashbacks from the original film, with a few original scenes to pass it off as a new movie. OH YEAH!

There is only one thing you need to know when it comes to Silent Night, Deadly Night 2....