Robots & Bats

Here it is! The moment everyone has been waiting for! A Team-Up featuring RJ45 & The Pick.

For those who hang out with either individual, they know that a conversation can start off relatively innocent and degenerate into complete bizarreville. When you put them together...holy fuck.

Today, RJ45 & The Pick talk about one thing...ROBOTS.

RJ45: Like ROB the Robot for the NES?

The Pick: No, I don't want my robot to be all cute and cuddly. I don't want him to be able to dance. I want my robot to be able to destroy things!

RJ45: What about Johnny 5?

The Pick: Johnny 5 was programmed to be the most ruthless destroyer this world has ever seen. Then he learned to think for himself.

RJ45: He was alive!

The Pick: Yes, he was alive, and no one should destroy him. Does not compute. Logic error.

RJ45: How about a robot from the 80s?

The Pick: No, the 50s. Something like this robot.

RJ45: So, like C-3PO?

The Pick: Well, kind of, but only meaner. I want my robot to destroy things!

RJ45: Better yet, forget technological weapons and all this advanced stuff. Fuck guns, phasers, and crap. I want my robot to have a bat. A motherfuckin' bat! The robot then can just beat the crap out of things with a bat. It would be totally awesome!

The Pick: Yes! That would be awesome! Man... I wish I had a robot with a bat. ::Pick proceeds to do Image Search "Robot Bat"::

RJ45: ...

The Pick: Apparently, the modern-day equivalent of a robot wielding a bat is the standard DPDT two-way switch. Amazing what solid-state electronics are capable of.

RJ45: Yeah, that would be an awesome robot, not unlike that crappy one that replaced The Human Torch in the Fantastic Four cartoon in the 70s.

The Pick: What? They replaced The Human Torch?! Why?!

RJ45: Apparently they were worried that kids were going to set themselves on fire. Stupid kids and their fires...

The Pick: Was he a cool robot?

RJ45: NO! Not even close.

The Pick: Oh look he's all cute and cuddly! WEE! Look at me! I'm a robot! He sucks! He doesn't even have a bat!

RJ45: Yeah, and his name was HERBIE.

The Pick: WEEE!!! HHEEERRRBBIIIIEEEEE!!!!!

RJ45: Yeah, I even rented that cartoon when I was like 10 years old from a video store in the Free Kids Movies section. The box even had The Human Torch on the cover, and then I got treated to this travesty. I felt ripped. Stupid free kids movies section! I hate you!

The Pick: Oh well, at least it wasn't like the Gameboy when he joined Captain N: The Game Master.

RJ45: I don't believe I watched those episodes.

The Pick: Yeah, it was a Gameboy...and he was a robot. He like talked like a robot, but he was a fucking Gameboy. Those episodes were too fucking horrible. Damn you Gameboy! I hate you!

RJ45: ...I guess that must have been where Captain N: The Game Master jumped the shark.

The Pick: RJ, that show jumped the shark long before Game Boy.

RJ45: Pretty much when he was fighting King Hippo from Punch Out! and then he got sucked into the screen?

The Pick: Yup, pretty much when the Live Action ended. This little nerd was playing games and then he gets sucked into a video world where he's like all cool with his Zapper and jacket. That's when the show jumped the fucking shark.

RJ45: Yeah, he kind of looked like David Hasselhoff.

The Pick: Does not compute. Yeah, the show sucked, but got even worse with Game Boy. Game Boy sucked... he didn't even have a bat...