RJ45's Patent News Predictions for 2009

1. Would You Like Fries With That? #426 - News Predictions 2001
   
2. Would You Like Fries With That? #540 - News Predictions 2002
   
3. A Day in the Life #4 - News Predictions 2003
   
4. A Day in the Life #75 - News Predictions 2004
   
5. 2005 - Never Done. Too busy. Forgotten, etc.
   
6. WYLFWT.com - RECOVERED ARCHIVE - News Predictions 2006
   
7. RJ45's Patent News Predictions 2007
   
8. RJ45's Patent News Predictions 2008

2001 is pretty good. 2002 is a complete shit-fest. I obviously didn't get out much that year. You can skip that one. 2003 is better, albeit I was still a little sheltered from the world. 2004 was fun to write and still fun, at least for me, to read. 2006 is also very good, as is 2007. 2008 was another fantastic addition. Hopefully this one will be a great edition of this yearly tradition!

News Predictions 2009

January 1 - Happy New Year! Ryan Seacrest receives a severe Singapore caning for somehow managing to replace both Dick Clark AND Casey Kasem.

January 10 - Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels has been indicted on charges of racketeering.

January 20 - Barack Obama takes his oath as President. Afterwards, Obama then turns FOX News journalists into 12 year old Scotch! Many people are not quite sure what to make of it and are holding out for the will.i.am YouTube music video tribute to make the final
judgment.

January 25 - VH1 announces new "Celebreality" show titled Plumber of Love starring Joe the Plumber! Joe the Plumber is on the search for LOVE! The winner will not only receive his love but also $2,000 in back taxes owed to the government.

February 1 - The NFL apologizes for the accidental "orgy malfunction" when 10 seconds of a 30 man 1 woman gangbang footage accidentally happened on stage at the half time
show of the Superbowl.

February 9 - Happy Birthday Cryptkpr9. Cryptkpr9 celebrates his birthday Rocking the crypt and partying with the corpses.

February 11 - CELEBRITY SCANDAL! A video of Katy Perry kicking a lesbian in the face at a night club after said lesbian was hitting on her was uploaded on YouTube.

February 14 - Twilight author, Stephanie Meyer, was found murdered in her hotel room. Police sketches from witness reports point to a guy who looks like this:

February 17 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member 5iN! 5iN Celebrates his birthday by Rick Rolling the world!

February 23 - GADGET MANIA Apple releases the brand new iWipe into stores which is combination bathroom tissue paper and mp3 player. Now you can do your business while listening to Backman-Turner Overdrive's "Taking Care of Business!"

February 27 - Chicago Cubs and Wrigley Field announce a $0.10-wide decrease in concession stand prices, signaling a new era for the team and ending the goat curse. This year will surely be the year they win the World Series!

March 2 - President Barack Obama visits a soup kitchen and manages to feed 5000 homeless with just one batch of soup and one bag of rolls! Many people are not quite sure what to make of it and are holding out for the will.i.am YouTube music video tribute to make the final judgment.

March 9 - Missouri Governor Matt Blunt has been indicted on charges of molestation.

March 17 - VIRAL VIDEO Some guy eating a sock is the #1 video on Break.com

March 28 - Adam Sandler was found dead in his apartment. The Sherriff reports that someone tied him up and forced him to watch a marathon of his own movies, which eventually caused a brain aneryism.

April 1 - VH1 announces new "Celebreality" show titled Numa Numa of Love starring Gary Brolsma of the Numa Numa Dance. The winner will receive Gary's love and 15 minutes of fame.

April 10 - Continuing the News Predictions Tradition.... Happy Birthday Mandy Moore! She turns 19!

April 16 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member Pick! The Pick celebrates his birthday by invoking the power of 1000 exploding suns.

April 23 - VIRAL VIDEO A dog running backwards is the #1 video on DailyMotion.com

May 4 - Virginia governor Tim Kaine has been indicted of charges of failure to yield at a crosswalk.

May 17 - President Barack Obama recently took on a new pandemic where people exhibited unknown rashes by curing them with a touch of his hand. Many people are not quite sure what to make of it and are holding out for the will.i.am YouTube music video tribute to make the final judgment.

May 20 - CELEBRITY SCANDAL! Popular Disney star, Ashley Tisdale, was arrested after selling drugs to kids.

May 24 - Actor Sean Peen gets stabbed by somebody he pissed off.

May 30 - GADGET MANIA Apple has released the brand new iXXXPhone which is a combination cell phone, email client, web browser, GPS navigation system, digital camera, game console, mp3 player, video phone, PDA, toaster, and vibrator. Now you can fuck your wife with this vibrator while listening to The Eagle's "Witchy Woman."

June 2 - Twilight author and allegedly dead Stephanie Meyer has been spotted! She was seen sparkling outside of her home in Hartford, Conneticut.

June 13 - North Dakota governor John Hoevan has been indicted on charges of indecent exposure.

June 21 - VIRAL VIDEO A video of WYLFWT.com Owner RJ45 doing a horrible Hokey Pokey at his own wedding is now the #1 Video on YouTube.

June 29 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT.com! The website celebrates its birthday with RJ45 taking something that would normally seem insignificant, and spinning it into something that seems really important!

July 4 - President Barack Obama was approached by the press with skepticism about the upcoming Hurricane Larry disaster. Barack Obama then went outside and yelled at the Hurricane to go away. It did. Then Obama yelled at the press for not finding anything better to do. Many people are not quite sure what to make of it and are holding out for the will.i.am YouTube music video tribute to make the final judgment.

July 12 - VH1 announces their new "Celebreality" show titled Shoe of Love, starring Iraqi Journalist Muntazer al-Zaidi, the guy who threw his shoes at George W. Bush. The will receive Muntazer al-Zaidi's love and a lifetime of shoes.

July 22 - Jessica Simpson was found dead in her apartment. The Sherriff reports that someone tied her up and forced her to listen to a marathon of her own music, which eventually caused a brain aneryism.

July 31 - Neveda governor Jim Gibbons has been indicted on charges of illegal prostitution.

August 4 - Incident in Israel and some random nation that hates them where blah blah blah happens and yada yada yada gets killed.

August 17 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT.com Team Member SpicyMan! Spicyman celebrates his birthday by taking a dip into the river of spice.

August 25 - CELEBRITY SCANDAL! Lil Wayne was video taped playing golf and listening to Styx with rich white people in Connecticut

September 2 - Popular emo band Panic at the Disco broke up due to creative differences between band members over whether an exclamation point should exist in the band name.

September 10 - A bunch of stuff happens.

September 17 - U2's Bono was involved in controversy.

September 28 - GADGET MANIA Apple releases the new iScratcher. This new device is a combination mp3 player and testicle scratcher. Now even you can get your balls scratched while listening to the latest from the Plain White T's!

October 7 - Maryland governor Martin O'Malley has been indicted on charges of not stopping in the name of love..

October 12 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member FlareHolyMeteo! Flare celebrates his birthdays in a fashion that is "too much metal for just one hand."

October 16 - VIRAL VIDEO Somebody pieced together several 1 to 2 second clips of footage from the old sitcom Good Times to make everything seem sexual.

October 24 - Happy Birthday RJ45! RJ45 celebrates his birthday by delaying the release of The WYLFWT?: Chinese Democracy video another year.

October 31 - Uwe Boll was found dead in his apartment. The Sherriff reports that someone tied him up and forced him to watch to a marathon of his own movies, which eventually caused his brain to explode.

November 1 - Continuing the News Predictions Tradition.... Happy Birthday Dennis Miller! Dennis Miller celebrates his birthday by telling a joke that no one gets.

November 4 - Election results weren't anything spectacular outside of Illinois changing its state motto from "Land of Lincoln" to "Where the Governors Nake the License Plates."

November 14 - VH1 announces new "Celebreality" show titled Price of Love. It stars Price is Right announcer, Rich Fields. The winner of the show will not only win Rich Field's love, but also... ... A BRAND NEW CAR!!!

November 27 - GADGET MANIA Apple releases the new iGram peripheral that is a combination MP3 Player/Hologram producer. It will turn your room into a Hologram ala Star Trek: The Next Generation and/or X-Men's Danger Room. The idea was being able to create your own reality while listening to Dexy Midnight Runner's "Come on Eileen." Unfortunately, it flops as the only Hologram it can successfully reproduce is footage from the 100 Meter Dash from the 1988 Summer Olympics.

December 4 - President Barack Obama walks on top of the Pacific Ocean to bring a dead whale back to life. Will.i.am spontaneously combusts.

December 13 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT.com Team Member Brynna! She celebrates her birthday by writing doing a thing called the Crocodile Rock!

December 29 - Every other governor has been indicted of charges of being a governor and failing to uphold the American governor duty of getting indicted.

RJ45