RJ45's Patent News Predictions for 2008

Happy New Year everybody! I don't know about you guys, but 2007 went by pretty fucking quickly.

One specific tradition that has been relatively consistent over the years for WYLFWT? has been one column... THE YEARLY NEWS PREDICTIONS. It is also highly valued by many of my long time readers and something that I personally enjoy myself.

1. Would You Like Fries With That? #426 - News Predictions 2001
2. Would You Like Fries With That? #540 - News Predictions 2002
3. A Day in the Life #4 - News Predictions 2003
4. A Day in the Life #75 - News Predictions 2004
5. 2005 - Never Done. Too busy. Forgotten, etc.
6. WYLFWT.com - RECOVERED ARCHIVE - News Predictions 2006
7. RJ45's Patent News Predictions 2007

2001 is pretty good. 2002 is a complete shit-fest. I obviously didn't get out much that year. You can skip that one. 2003 is better, albeit I was still a little sheltered from the world. 2004 was fun to write and still fun, at least for me, to read. 2006 is also very good, but I think 2007 will hopefully be the best. Funny thing is I spent days writing up the previous editions. This edition took me 40 minutes to write.

News Predictions 2007

January 1 - Happy New Year! Dick Clark unveils his new Cyborg features implanted in him that will keep him young forever.

January 10 - Drew Carey is terminated as the host of The Price is Right for "just sucking." President Bush signs a bill for Christopher Lloyd to re-develop the flux compassitor so we can go back in time and get a younger Bob Barker to re-host the show.

January 20 - Google launches their beta alternative to walking called "Google Walking" which will reportedly make putting one foot in front of the other just THAT much easier.

January 25 - Hollywood writer's strike continues. In an effort to put out programming, networks are reaching into "The Vault" of cancelled shows. God help us.

February 3 - FOX and MTV apologize for the accidental penetration malfunction when 10 seconds of lesbian sex accidentally happened on stage at the half time show of the Superbowl.

February 12 - Pop star Soulja Boy is reported missing.

February 13 - Presidential Candidate Ron Paul drops out of the race after his computer gets destroyed in a fire.

February 17 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member 5iN! 5iN Celebrates his birthday by quitting and accepting four different jobs!

February 20 - Al Qaeda's Number 2 guy gets killed.

February 26 - Chicago Cubs executives fire their entire upper management, ball players, park maintenance staff, food service employees, the ivy, the fans, and even themselves... rebuilding the team from the ground up and thus signifying a new era of Chicago Cubs as fans everywhere exclaim "This year will be their year!"

March 2 - J.K Rowling announces that she was "just playing" and the new Harry Potter book is on schedule to be released next year. Fans everywhere go online and bitch in their respective blogs.

March 4 - The United States announces a new public smoking ban. In what probably is a pure coincidence, many politicians drop out of the presidential race due to "lack of funds."

March 11 - Corporate Rock Nostalgia Act, Journey, announces their new lead singer, Dog on Skateboard.

March 17 - VIRAL VIDEO: The current most popular video on YouTube features a dog walking around with a sock on his head.

March 28 - Legendary Pop quartet, ABBA, announces their reunion tour. Pink Floyd fans everywhere now pray for a Floyd reunion tour.

March 30 - Wrestlemania 24 is a disaster because 99% of the roster failed the drug test and were suspended as a result.

April 1 - Pop star Jessica Simpson is reported missing.

April 10 - Continuing the News Predictions Tradition.... Happy Birthday Mandy Moore! She turns 18!

April 16 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member Pick! The Pick celebrates his birthday by eating fifteen invisible sandwiches.

April 23 - Hollywood writer's strike continues. In an effort to put out programming, MTV will have to air music videos.

April 28 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member JP! JP celebrates his birthday by watching his favorite film, Mars Attacks!

May 1 - VIRAL VIDEO: The current most popular video on YouTube features a tiger with a sock on his head.

May 4 - Legendary Scottish Bubblegum Pop quintet, Bay City Rollers, announces their reunion tour... Pink Floyd fans everywhere continue pray for a Floyd reunion tour.

May 17 - Al Qaeda's Number 2 guy gets killed.

May 20 - Incident in Israel and some random nation that hates them where blah blah blah happens and yada yada yada gets killed.

May 24 - Congratulations to RJ45 & KatieBug on getting married, although many had a hard time figuring out what was going on with a 40 person Wedding Party...

May 30 - Hannah Montana star, Miley Cyrus, was arrested at 5:01 AM for loitering on Wal-Mart property. CNN, FOX NEWS, every newspaper and radio station all promise 24/7 coverage of this appalling incident. Will our trusty Hannah serve jail time? Why was she loitering? What impact will this have on her show? Will Disney suffer a backlash? How much is Miley paying for her legal defense? Oh yeah, meanwhile, massacre in Alabama. Many people killed...

June 4 - Amsterdam announces a new public smoking ban. In other news, the European tourism industry took a 90% decrease....

June 8 - A bunch of stuff happens.

June 13 - Google announces their beta alternative to guns called "Google Guns." Now people won't have to aim, they just have to type a name into their "Google Guns" search engine, and the person is guaranteed to get shot!

June 16 - VIRAL VIDEO: The current most popular video features a stripper with a sock on her boobs.

June 29 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT.com! The website celebrates its birthday with RJ45 taking something that would normally seem insignificant, and spinning it into something that seems really important!

July 4 - Britney Spears makes the front page again after she voluntarily amputated one of her legs.

July 12 - Al Qaeda's Number 2 guy gets killed.

July 22 - Legendary Boston New Wave quintet, The Cars, announces their reunion tour...Pink Floyd fans everywhere still pray for a Floyd reunion tour.

July 31 - Pop star Fergie is reported missing.

August 4 - (Insert Random NFL player) ends up getting caught for (insert random crime).

August 17 - Corporate Rock Nostalgia Act, Journey, announces their new lead singer, Chris Cocker aka the "Leave Britney Alone" 'guy'...

August 25 - Apple releases a new iPod! Now with a slightly larger screen and a cool flame going down the back! Retail Suggested Price: $780.

September 2 - After 15 years in the making, Sylvester Stallone finally releases the much anticipated sequel to a Stallone classic... Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Part 2.

September 14 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member BrotherBenton! Benton celebrates his birthday by sticking his fist up a dogs ass and raping the elderly!

September 16 - Hollywood writer's strike continues. Network ratings are at an all time low when prime time television consists of nothing but Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? reruns.

September 19 - Legendary Australian Pop Rock quintet, Men at Work, announce their reunion tour...Pink Floyd have about given up on that Floyd reunion tour.

September 26 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member the_ninja_style! She celebrates her story of the one time she literally was in Indiana Jone's Temple of Doom, recounting the time she worked for the NFL, and telling her amazing story of when she literally saw someone kill two birds with 1 stone.

October 4 - Antartica announces a new public smoking ban. Penguins everywhere are distraught...

October 8 - Pop star Hillary Duff is reported missing. Police believe there is a connection between Hillary Duff and the other pop star disappearances that have happened this year.

October 12 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT? Team Member FlareHolyMeteo! Flare celebrates his birthdays in a fashion that is "too much metal for just one hand."

October 16 - VIRAL VIDEO: The current most popular video on YouTube features a dog, tiger, a stripper, and the Boston Red Sox all with socks on their heads.

October 24 - Happy Birthday RJ45! RJ45 celebrates his birthday by getting fries with that.

October 30 - Al Qaeda's Number 2 guy gets killed. The guy who drew the short straw for that position exclaims "OH, FUCK THAT SHIT!"

November 3 - Continuing the News Predictions Tradition.... Happy Birthday Dennis Miller! Dennis Miller celebrates his birthday by telling a joke that no one gets.

November 4 - Surprise victory in the Presidential Elections! Due to a viral YouTube campaign, our new President is this....

Congratulations President Dog on Skateboard!

November 5 - President-to-be Dog on Skateboard finds Bin Laden hiding in the attic of the White House.

November 19 - Google announces their beta alternative to air called "Google Air." Reports saying that air will be pretty much the same except that everything will always smell like lemons, strawberries, and bakeries.

December 4 - Music superstars Soulja Boy, Jessica Simpson, Fergie, and Hillary Duff are found alive and unharmed, but tied up in the basement of this man...

Dani Filth, Cradle of Filth

Motivation for the kidnappings made in the statement to the police are: "I am tired of their shitty music played on the radio." No charges are pressed as this was obviously done in self-defense.

December 13 - Happy Birthday WYLFWT.com Team Member Brynna! She celebrates her birthday by writing more chick porn!

December 29 - 1980s pop act, Culture Club announce their reunion tour. Pink Floyd's entire fanbase spontaneously combusts.

Another year, another set of predictions! Exciting times, folks! Exciting times. As per usual, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Hey, till next year!

RJ45