Ridiculous Real Phobias, A through Z: A

Welcome to a new series by yours truly called "Ridiculous Real Phobias, A - Z." Over the next few months, I will be going over the phobias, and running down my favorites from A through Z. I will provide a quick analysis, and suggest a practical joke for everyone to run with. Now, without further ado, we start with the Letter A!


Anatidaephobia - The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you

    Analysis: Imagine living a life not wanting to go to the nearest pond or lake. Imagine living a life where you can't even turn on the Disney Channel without getting the creeps. Because, they are watching, and they are waiting to strike again on Earth and take over. Fear the MAAALLLLLLLAAAARRRRDDD!!

    Practical Joke: Sneak up behind them and scream "AFLAC!"

Amnesiphobia: Fear of amnesia.

    Analysis: If you ever come down with amnesia, how would you ever remember that you were afraid of it.

    Practical Joke: In conversations, keep making up events that had happened in the past, and then look at them like they are a fucking stupid idiot when they don't know what you are talking about.

Asymmetriphobia: Fear of asymmetrical things.

    Analysis: Oh my, I know too many people with this issue, and it goes hand in glove with America's favorite mental disorder... OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER! WOO!

    Practical Joke: If you are the groom of a wedding and have four ushers, make one of them male and three of them female.

Amychophobia: Fear of scratches or being scratched.

    Analysis: Okay, outside of sickos who practically carve each other's backs during intercourse, who doesn't fear being scratched? They're not exactly a pleasant thing. They sting, and they hang around for awhile.

    Practical Joke: Fill their room with Hawks on Angel Dust.

Anablephobia: Fear of looking up.

    Analysis: Man, that would really suck if you had a neck cramp.

    Practical Joke: Keep screaming things such as "LOOK OUT!" and "HEADS UP!"

Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

    Analysis: I wonder how this fear even came to light. Did it happen when some guy was eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, and completely freaked out when the scenario came to light. Then, they had hard times coping the rest of their life? Seriously, how did this disease even make it?!

    Practical Joke: Surround the person with dogs eating out of bowls of peanut butter.

Aulophobia: Fear of flutes.

    Analysis: There is nothing quite phobia-worthy like a wind instrument.

    Practical Joke: Make them a special "mixed tape" consisting of Jethro Tull & The Moody Blues, or suggest that they watch American Pie.

And the last one for today is...

Anglophobia: Fear of England, English culture, etc.

    Anaylsis: I think the English scares everybody, including the English! So, this may not seem as unusual as you would think.

    Practical Joke: When having a Anglophobe in the passenger seat of the car, start driving on the left side of the road! Now that's good times!

Till next time!

RJ45