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Crank That Soulja Boy: Proof That The Music Industry Will Market ANYTHING
Submitted by RJ45 on Wed, 11/28/2007 - 12:00am.
Crank That volume down
No, We Don't Know What You're Saying!
SCRATCH THAT THOUGHT
About a week ago, I was writing Was This Review Helpful To You? #13: Billboard Charts.
I think it was said best when I said:
"Lets face it, the music that is in the Top Billboard Charts, for the most part, sucks! Its good marketing that gets them there, not good music."
While that has been going on for decades, I think it is even more prevalent in today's music. Now, I am not saying this because I hate certain kinds of music. In fact, I like varying artists from almost all genres including rock, metal, punk, folk, country, blue grass, jazz, blues, funk, hip-hop, and lots more!
No, I am saying this because I actually have some proof that the music corporation giant today is marketing ANYTHING, as opposed to great music. My proof is none other than this kid:
Crank That volume down
The corporation behind the Soulja Boy cash cow released "Crank That (Soulja Boy)." It has been on the charts for weeks now, and so I had to check it out because I had a feeling this was going to be either really catchy or really bad. Unfortunately, it was the latter.
Never has any rapper ever made this metal head really appreciate the days of old school gangster rap this much. Forget this skinny dork. NWA, Snoop, Tupac, and several other West Coast and to, a degree, East Coast rappers were and still are the real motherfucking deal. Hell, this asshole even makes me appreciate the days of "STOP... Hammer Time."
I am very certain that I am not the only one thinking that. In fact,, I don't have to debate this, all you need to do is watch the Crank That (Soulja Boy) video!
Yes, it is *that* fucking awful. He can't rap really at all. He has an annoying monotonous voice. When he can't think of anything else, he just makes noises. It is a sad day when Bob fucking Saget can rap circles around ANYBODY.
The dance isn't even original in the least bit. It works in a few basic feet movements, Michael Jackson's Thriller dance, and adds someone trying to fly like Superman in there. It is the worst combination of other dances I have ever seen. At least the damn Macarana was original. Although watching him discuss the many intricacies of this dance is hilarious, at best:
No, We Don't Know What You're Saying!
Of course, maybe the dance and rapping is bad, perhaps the lyrics are good?
"Soulja Boy off in this (ooooohhh)
Watch me crank it watch me roll
Watch me crank that Soulja Boy
Then superman that (oooohhhh)
Now watch me YUUUAA!(Crank that soulja boy)
Now watch me YUUUAA!(Crank that soulja boy)
Now watch me YUUUAA!(Crank that soulja boy)
Now watch me YUUUAA!(Crank that soulja boy)"
Okay, scratch that thought IMMEDIATELY. Okay, maybe all hip hop is that way. Maybe the lyrics are always pointless and rhyme sounds with words instead of actual words... right? Hell, lets take a look at one of RJ45's favorite rap singles, "Changes" by TuPac
"I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other We gotta start makin' changes
learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers
and that's how it's supposed to be
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids
but things changed, and that's the way it is"
... okay, maybe its just that one song of Soulja Boys. Singles tend to be a little more poppy anyway. So lets take a look at the lyrics to "Report Card"
"I Alwayz Be In School But I Be Walkin Halls. Alot Of Teachers Give Me Test But They Be Super Hard I Get Into Some Trouble Then My Mama Calls But Afta I Get Out The Office Ima Tell Em All Dat Ima Superstar And Thatz Best. Everytime U See Me Up In Class My Head On That Desk. And When U See Me On Dem Girls U Kno That Im Super Fresh. Yea Teacher, Students, Class, Stupid (Wait A Min. Mutha Fuckaz)
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
I Just Got My Report Card
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
I Just Got My Report Card
Throw Some D's On That Bitch"
Wow, okay, that is pretty damn bad. As for the lyrics, another thought for Mr. Soulja Boy could be, PASS YOUR FUCKING CLASSES. Why is this even material for a fucking song? Seriously, I wouldn't go around telling everybody that you bullied your teacher into giving you Ds instead of, you know, As.
Well maybe he has something going for him. Hip hop also tends to be all about style and fashion. Maybe Soulja Boy's got something in that department!
SCRATCH THAT THOUGHT
Now, I think I figured out why he wears sunglasses. Its not because the sun is too bright or he is trying to be cool. He wears sunglasses because HE'S OBVIOUSLY FUCKING BLIND.
"He can wear those clothes, RJ! He's tough! Tough guys can wear whatever the fuck the want!"
Well, lets throw Mr. Soulja Boy up against some real tough men...
Aside from the fact that Easy E was a Compton drug dealer at the time the N.W.A. was just starting up, take one look at Soulja Boy. Then take one look at the N.W.A. If given no other alternative, who would YOU want to fight?
People might say, "Well RJ, I know you listen to several types of music. But, primarily, you're a metalhead. You aren't a connoisseur of the genre! Maybe its you that just doesn't get it."
VERY glad that this was brought up...
- TheDailyYo! 1/5
- RapReviews.com 3/10
- Amazon 1.5/5 is Average Customer Review
I'm not even close to being the only one!
Finally, what is with this trashing of the hero, Superman? Now, if you have no idea what I am talking about, the "Superman that hoe" reference is not really in reference to Superman. Soulja Boy is talking about this:
From Urban Dictionary.com:"Superman; When you are mad at your girl for not having sex with you. So when she falls asleep you masturbate and cum on her back. After that, stick the bedsheet on to her back and when she wakes up it's stuck to the cum and she has a cape like Superman!!!"
People, we already have enough freaky things going on in the bedroom, lets not make this one popular! PLEASE... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! SAVE US! SAVE ME JEEBUS!
Anybody who does like this song, that's okay. However, I strongly recommend that you seek assistance from an oncologist because you just might have an inoperable brain tumor.
It is very unfortunate that Nas is right. If we continue to have crunk shit like Soulja Boy, Hip Hop is Dead.
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Excellent excellent
Excellent excellent post...there is a lot of good music that is still being released however what is making the charts can easily be constitued as crap. All my friends love Soulja Boy and for the life of me can't figure it out. Like you said..its a sad day in the music industry when Bob Sagot can rap circles around you. Fortunately Jay-Z and Kanye both released some great albums this year to ensure that rap isn't dead.
Whole-Heartedly agreed. 100%
My youngest brother is obsessed with this kid, and seeing his pictures for the first time, I almost see why... Soulja Boy looks almost EXACTLY like my little brother!! Other than that, the artist, and my little brother's obsession sickens me to absolutely no end. I, too, miss the days when hip-hop had some extent of MEANING... other than the other artists mentioned in the previous comment, and in your post, Most of the things on the radio just seem to annoy me. Because of this, I don't even listen to mainstream anymore.
Maybe that's how they pick their artists, if their songs would sound annoying enough as a ringtone, then that's who they'll sign to a contract. I just hope the kids at the school my brother goes too aren't all like this... then again, I'm probably wrong. I'm going back to Nas and the artists that know what the hell they're doing.
Yes Indeed
When I first heard this song while scanning through radio stations, I had to stop and listen for just a minute as I do for any new song out there to give it a chance. OMFG. I kept listening in closer to try and figure out what the hell the song was about. No idea. After about 2 hooks of the song I had to hit the scan button again. RJ you are dead on about the rap game going in the toilet. Soulja must have one kick ass marketing team! Stuff like this makes me long for Tupac to rise from the dead.
Meaning
Yeah, I may not have been able to relate to the gangster rap of yesterday, but at least it was about something. At least the music meant something, and it was something that many people could and still do relate to. It wasn't pure fluff like this shit.
Holy Shit
God, I was much happier just hearing this crap in the background of that club. Now that I've watched the video and paid attention, I know that hearing it in the background and actually watching the video have no different effect. Actually listening to the song adds nothing. I wonder if he actually did the whole song. Maybe they just had him record that crap that sounds like mumbling once, and then just repeated it 500 TIMES!!
Oh yeah!
Its great time! Very creative shit that's off-the-hook.
I'm sorry, I just blew my sarcasm detector. Damn...
God save us, I just found
God save us, I just found out that he's going to be at U of I next Wednesday.
In Soulja Boy's Defense
In Soulja Boy's lyrical defense, you must have got an edited version of the lyrics because he doesn't make noises in the original song. (This song has MANY remixes, no that's NOT in Soulja Boy's defense.)
Instead of OOOOH he says:
Soulja Boy off in this ho
Watch me crank it watch me roll
Watch me crank that Soulja Boy
Then superman that bitch
That song is actually fun when you get a group of people to dance with you... but I don't understand why it's chart worthy. It's not catchy, it doesn't have good lyrics, it's the ghetto hokey pokey and even the Cha Cha Slide pulled that off better than Crank Dat (Superman), Crank Dat (Supersoak), Crank Dat (Batman), Crank Dat (How many fucking dances can we come up with?!?)...
Lyrics Correction
Yeah, those lyrics still aren't that much better, lol.
This is not new (A bit of a rant)
I'm sorry, but Rap music stopped being relevant the minute Vanilla Ice signed a record deal. And when Run DMC recorded with Aerosmith. And when record companies decided loud bass and profanity were perfectly acceptable replacements for talent. There have been a few gems since then, but they are the exception, not the rule. Go all the way back, listen to the Sugar Hill Gang, and tell me who hasn't totally ripped them off? Mainstream music as a whole really blows, for a good rule of thumb try this: any act on any televised awards show is total crap. Tune in to your local college station and stop supporting these no-talent dickless hacks.
I agree 99.5%
I'd like to begin by saying that I am now and have always been a fan of hip-hop. Having said that, I now say this... I don't listen to the radio anymore. I refuse to have MTV or BET on in my house, and I can't believe that the "hard out there for a pimp" song almost won a freaking award for best song in a movie a few years ago. Hip-Hop isn't dead, far from it, but the record labels would have you believe that hip-hop and rap are the same thing. There are still people that want to do more than just sell records and make an ass of themselves in front of millions (check out the Roots, Asheru, Unspoken heard, Talib Kweli and so on and so forth), but making an ass of yourself seems to sell (clay akin got a record deal). Rap is the mess that you hear on the radio, hip hop is the stuff that you've probably never heard of (Jedi Mind Tricks anyone?). That's the . 5% that I was talking about. But i guess the guys in Train Spotting knew what they were talking about when it comes to music huh?
yeah.. I actually try to understand this stuff
and.. usually the kanyes or the ice cubes are pretty coo..
but after that "superman" urban dictionary comment.. HA HAH H AH AH A I AM AN INSTANT FAN!!!!! ..
man.. I am going to try it out right now as a matter of fact