Stupid Fetishes & Paraphilias V: The Madness Continues!

It had literally been just a little bit more than a year since I have provided one of my SEX columns, BUT WE ARE BAAACK!

So, I thought I would kick it back off with the latest in a series called "Stupid Fetishes & Paraphilias."

Why in the hell would I subject to myself to such agony and torture? I took a sex survey provided by PervScan.com (the greatest weird news website EVER) and it asked me if I had ever asked my lover to incorporate a catheter into foreplay.

That just made me beside myself. Till this very day, I still ask myself, "a catheter?" It bothers me. It disturbs me. Why in the blue hell would someone want this during sex?

I have done this column in the past with fun results...

Stupid Fetishes & Paraphilias, Part 1 - Because There is Enough Weirdos In This World For a Part 2 - Plush Toys, Flatulence, Noses, Balloons, "Unbirthing", and Getting Your Privates Pecked at by Chickens & Roosters

Stupid Fetishes & Paraphilias, Part 2 - Apparently I Am Clinically INSANE To Actually Research This Stuff AGAIN - Being the Victim of a Robbery, Eyeballs, and Ants

Stupid Fetishes & Paraphilias, Part 3 - Return of the Philias - Ghosts, Clowns, Dead Animals, and Turtles

Stupid Fetishes & Paraphilias, Part 4 - Live Free or Fuck Hard - Pie Throwing, Jealousy, and Trees

So now we go with Part 5!

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Stupid Fetishes & Paraphilias V:

The Madness Continues!

Homeovestism: sexual arousal by wearing the clothing of one's own gender.

Wow, now here's something that totally interferes with your daily routine.

If you are a guy, put on a pair of boxers and fuck man, now ya gotta masturbate. Then, start putting your business suit on and BOOM... masturbation time AGAIN! Stick on a pair of shoes, and fuck, now you've masturbated three times all within the course of just putting on your clothes. Fuck, you'd have a low sperm count just within the course of two days, guaranteed!

So what is the solution to the poor people with homeovestism (aside from maybe coming up with a less complicated name for it!). Considering that the ultimate goal for transvestism is getting them to wear their own gender's clothes, what would be our goal be for a homeovestite?! Do they cross dress? Will transvestism actually help these people live normal lives? Do they do a sex change operation? And, if they do a sex change operation, how do we know that they won't start getting attracted to wearing that particular sex's clothes?!

What the fuck people? As if date raping wasn't bad enough already, we have people attracted to being fondled while under anesthesia. Here's the thing, generally when you are under anesthesia, you don't feel a damn thing. So, technically, how could you get aroused if you didn't know that it was going on? TWISTED LOGIC ALERT!

Some people are just fucking sick, you know?

Now, don't get me wrong. I have no problems with "cripples." Fuck, I broke both of my feet and was in a wheelchair for 4 months. So, I give my props to the crippled because its a bitch being one, coming from personal experience.

Still... WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE? As if people aren't self conscious enough of having a missing leg, now you got people jerking off to it? I guess we have a whole new meaning brought to the term "Stumpy."

However, if you are a member of this special group and clicked on this link thinking you'd find hot nude quadriplegics, I am not going to disappoint you. Here is a picture I found ESPECIALLY FOR YOU!

ARRRRR!!!

Oh, well isn't that just fucking swell? Just what the world needed! People who can't help themselves but cum into the holy water. People who use The Bible instead of a Playboy as masturbatory material in the bathroom. And instead of a dildo, they use a big giant cross! AGGGHHH! SPLINTERS!

Now from the reading I have done on Hierophilia (what limited material there is), we aren't talking about your sexy Catholic schoolgirl costumes. This is the attraction to sacred objects themselves.

I know there is more psychology, other religions, and background stories to this whole fucked up thing. However, that still doesn't stop me from having a message...