Stupid Fetishes and Paraphilias, Part One

    One of my favorite websites to visit is PervScan.com. The concept is that they take strange sex news and provide their commentary on the stories. Of course, you know this has hilarious results. They recently announced that they *might* be closing their doors permanently. Tis' a shame because I absolutely love this website.

    So I went to their mother ship website, supervert.com. Once there, I took a Sexual Perversity survey to help them tabulate their results. Most of the stuff I have of heard before...until we I got to this question:

"Have you ever incorporated a catheter into a sex act?"

    Of course, this was a ridiculously huge "what the fuck?!" moment for me. Seriously, who in their right mind would, in the middle foreplay, scream, "PLEASE! OH YES! STICK A HOSE UP MY URETHRA!" In a world where people would do anything to avoid getting the dreaded catheter, these people are screaming for it!

    So, that got me to thinking. I have always had a general idea that of some crazy fetishes and paraphilias that are out there. However, I never really had the desire to do research until that defining moment!

    So, let us get to the run down some fetishes here, shall we?

Stupid Fetishes and Paraphilias, Part One:
Because There is Enough Weirdoes In This World For a Part 2

    Plushophilia: This is a sexual attraction to stuffed toys or people in animal costume, such as theme park characters. I am sure this starts when horny pre-teens, discovering their sexuality, get to day dreaming. Then, they start humping their teddy bears. One time, a male might accidentally ejaculate onto Teddy or the female might get just a little too excited. THAT IS WHEN IT ALL HAPPENS. Of course, I've been wrong before.

This fetish pretty much ranges from wacking off with Ty's Tobasco to treating a Donald Duck costume as if it were lingerie.

    Imagine yourself as a male, if you aren't one already. You don't have any fetihes outside of possibly being tied up. You have a hot piece of ass in your bedroom. She then says to you, "Let me slip into something a little more comfortable." She steps into the bathroom. You do the sensible thing by stripping yourself down to your trusty silk boxers (oh boy, don't fail me now!). She then knocks on the door, and comes out in this:

YOW! Shake those ears, baby!

    Eproctophilia:- This is a sexual attraction to flatulence. What the bloody hell?! DUDE! It is bad enough that people are attracted to urine & feces, but I think this one actually ended up throwing me off even more! Once again, in a world where we have air fresheners, urinal cakes, incense, scented candles, car fresheners, Febreeze, cologne, perfume, and the list is endless for what we have to prevent ourselves from that smell, these people are voluntaring themselves to be farted on. AAAGGGHHH!!!

    Of course, further research brought me this both disturbing and hilarious tidbit of information: "Recently, the Internet is full of amateur porn videos of women farting on cakes to blow out the candles, which prove to be a huge hit among the fart fetishist community."

    I wonder if Eproctophiles really enjoy a good birthday party?

     Nasophilia - Nose fetishism (nose fetish, nasophilia, pinnochio fetish, pinnochia) is a paraphilia in which an individual is sexually aroused by the sight, touch, or often the erotic sucking of human (especially female) noses. Less common, but of interest, are those who are aroused by having their nose stroked, felt and suckled. The arousal may be caused by the shape or the size of the nose. Some are even aroused by the picking of noses

    The sad thing is that in comparison to the other ones listed here in this article, this is the most normal fetish. I wonder exactly what, "Blowing your nose," means to these people.

    Balloon fetishism - These individuals like balloons and everything a balloon does. They like to hold them, admire them, rub against them, having them join you for sex, and popping (against their genitalia). Although, in reality, some are "poppers" and some are "non-poppers." Non-poppers get offended by the mere notion of popping such a wonderful thing. Poppers are in it for the stimulation, and the anticipation of waiting for a balloon to pop (kind of like the anticipation for an orgasm). They also have a balloon fetish pen pal communities known as Balloon Buddies. Est. 1976 (ironically at the height of the disco era)

    You know, I don't know about you...but a balloon rubbing against fabric to me is like finger nails down a chalkboard. It makes my hair stand up, and not in the good way. As far as I am concerned, I like the touch a different type of balloon...

    Unbirthing - This crazy ass fetish is the desire for someone to be swallowed alive by a vagina. Although very much impossible, they act this through role-playing. Usually the male host is attached through a pretend/fake umbilical cord.

    Now, I'm all for and all about pussy. It is ever bit as good to give as it is to receive. However, I really do not think that I'd like "to go back." I feel more like laughing more than rather getting aroused by the thought of being swallowed alive by a vagina. In fact, every time I type out the phrase, "Swallowed alive by a vagina," I giggle like a little schoolgirl. That's how ridiculous the entire concept of this paraphillia sounds! In fact, I have type it again: swallowed alive by a vagina!

AND THE AWARD WINNING FETISH GOES TO:

Peckophilia

    Peckophilia is a sexual desire for roosters or other poultry to feed on corn or other bird feed from the participants body (or genitalia).

    Okay, this is my question...I am wondering about the first person who dreamt this one up. Exactly how did one thing lead to the other? Exactly when did the first pecker head watch chickens peck at bird feed and wonder, "You know...I wish that was me."

    HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! Not only that, but I think this would hurt...a lot. What if the rooster was to get just a little too rambunctious! Ouch!!! AHHH!!! ....AHHHHH!!!

     Of course, I always like to close with something, and so I made a picture for this very special occasion: