The GILF

This story came up the other day in a conversation. I tried blocking it in my head permanently, but alas, here I am remembering what is a funny story to many. This happened two years ago. So here we go!

Have you ever been hit on by an old woman? No, I'm not talking about some smoking MILF (Mom I'd Love to Fuck) such as her:

My hand is going to be busy tonight!

    Unfortunately this situation is very much not the case.

For those who do not remember/do not know, a couple of years ago I worked for the great multi-million dollar organization known as Hardees as a front-line cashier. "1/3 of a pound, 1/2 of a pound, and 2/3 of a pound Thickburgers. Yeah, we've got meat." Now, the reason why I call them the multi-million dollar organization is because they didn't spend any of their money. You want to talk about a cheap company? Good fucking god, look no further than Hardees!

    Anyway, it was a relatively quiet afternoon, and this old lady, old enough to be my Grandmother, comes into the store. She orders a Butter Pecan ice cream cone. Of course, we are down to so little ice cream that you have to really have a battle with the fucking container just to get half of a scoop. Cheapness that is Hardees. I am standing there, I finally get a scoop after three attempts, and this lady then makes this comment:

    "Aren't you just a big and strong young man?"

    Well, not really thinking much of it, I pretend to laugh like I pretend to laugh at every customer's stupid jokes.

    "Oh, and dimples too."

    I continue to walk around getting napkins and other crap together for Miss Daisy. When I hand her the ice cream cone, she then says, "Oh, I could teach you a thing or two."

    Finally...it hit me as I looked at her. Is it possibly that the Where's The Beef? lady might be hitting on me? Wait a minute...she wants to teach me a thing or two? I don't think it gets any grosser than this  folks!

    "That is $1.46," I tell her as I want to desperately want her to leave the store.

    She hands me two dollars and then tells me, "Keep the change, sweetie."

    Nope, I was NOT keeping the change from her. I may be poor, but there is no way I am going to even leave even a hint of suggestion to Granny. However, after she takes the change back, she says, "Well, aren't you playing hard to get?"

    WHAT?!

    She then looks at me and starts...oh god...oh dear god no. She starts licking her ice cream cone as if it were a phallus. Yup, I was just offered a blowjob from someone who resembles THIS:

RJ tried to use a real picture as opposed to a cartoon, but he just couldn't...

    NO! NO! THAT'S....JUST...NO!!! Although I am sure she might have been a knockout back before electricity was invented, I think it's safe to say that if a lady is capable of administering a "gummer," they have no business doing so.

    At that point, I turned around and went to the backline. I stayed back there until it was confirmed by two different sources that she had left the premises.

    People can call me mean. People can call me shallow. People could say, "But age doesn't matter!" Sorry people, not this time. There are lines and there are boundaries in life. This, my friends, is my line in the sand. As a few people have pointed out to me, this is sexual harassment. It sounds strange to some, but "no" means no.

    As opposed to a MILF, this is my GILF, my "Grandma I'd Like to Forget."

    Okay, now since I am on the verge of regurgitating after writing all of this, its time to take my mind off of this, and I am sure the minds of some of you straight/bi men and lesbian/bi women....