| Title | Author | Posted |
|---|---|---|
| Yeah......... | The Frenchman | 12/03/2008 - 11:07pm |
| WHO NEEDS GUNS?! | RJ45 | 12/03/2008 - 5:42pm |
| WHOOOOOOOO | spicyman11 | 12/03/2008 - 5:38pm |
| HA! | spicyman11 | 12/02/2008 - 10:12pm |
| Right With White is a stark | LukeBusy (not verified) | 12/02/2008 - 3:44pm |
Let Us Break It Down: Assholes
Submitted by ThePick on Thu, 12/22/2005 - 7:00pm.
This is a bit more dealing with my job as as Internet Technical Support Representative for an ISP.
Co-Worker: I don't know about anybody else, but I'm getting really tired of assholes that don't know shit, yet pretend the fucking know everything.
The Pick: You're going to have to be more specific than that. I get so many people like that EVERY DAY (on the phone or otherwise) that saying I hate all of them is like saying "I hate all mammals." It's pretty broad. Let's break it down, shall we?
1. "The Customer Is Always Right" Asshole.
You all know him, this is the guy that doesn't have a fucking clue about what the fuck is wrong with his computer, but since he's the customer, he's sure as hell got a better idea than you do, you can bet your money on that. Another common phenomenon is seeing this type of guy asking himself, or aloud to you, why he even came to you for help anyway, since he doesn't have a clue, but you've got even less of a clue.
STATUS: Totally Fucking Hate 'Em
2. "Melodramatic Sigh" Asshole
STATUS: Detest Them STATUS: Fun to Take The Wind Out of Their Sails STATUS: Fun to Take The Wind Out of Their Sails STATUS: Assholes that Morph Into Different Types of Assholse are Double-Annoying. Loathe Thier Existance. Thus concludes my analysis. Hope it comes in handy.
These are the assholes that try men's souls. Every time you ask them a question, you're met with a melodramatic sigh that would typically be induced by asking someone to tie a rope around their dead mother's neck and drag her to Phoenix. On foot. Anyway, another common occurance with this type of asshole is the sudden explosion towards the end: "HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW, IT'S YOUR MODEM! AND ALL I GOT THIS COMPUTER FOR WAS YOUR SERVICE, I DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT!" Keep in mind broken, southern English is also quite common.
3. "Angry" Asshole
These guys aren't so bad compared to some of the others, because they typically know what their problem is... their chink in the armor, however, is that they're so frustrated with the fact that nobody can help them, they find it appropriate to tear everyone they talk to a new asshole. I like these guys, because I'm not one to put up with verbal abuse, so if they start in on their "Fuck this fuck that" kick, I usually shut them down with reckless abandon. Then they're really mad.
4. "Asshole Certified" Assholes.
I like to referr to this strain of asshole as the "educated idiot". We've all had to powercycle and reboot an MCSE-certified asshole at one point or another, so you all know what I'm talking about. Another red flag for this kind of asshole is the condescending attitude coupled with shameless and gratuitous mention of thier certified accomplishments. You'll also find that, out of some strange twist of fate, despite their education, you can probably fix their problem, thus nullifying thier education.
5. "Don't Ask Me To Try" Asshole
This type of asshole just wants you to take their word for it. If they say it's broke, you'd better just believe it, because 1.) how in the fuck could they be wrong, and 2.) even if they're not, they'll be damned if they put forth even a little effort. Some of the things you'll hear this asshole say is "Well I don't know what kind of modem I have!"; "This NEVER happened with AOL."; "This is your modem, it's your problem." You can paint this type of asshole into a corner sometimes by mentioning a trip charge for a tech roll, but even if that does light a fire under them, they usually just turn into the "Melodramatic Sigh" asshole anyway.
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