MySpace People #13

Yes! Welcome back to MySpace People! I am your rejuvenated host, Mister RJ45 Himself, Richard Jackson!

For those of you whom still live in the internet cave, MySpace is a community site that you can sign up. You get seemingly unlimited space for pictures, and you work on setting up your own MySpace page. You have a wall that people write comments on. You add friends. The more friends you have, the cooler you are! You also get your own blog that pretty much nobody reads unless you actively promote your posts. The other thing MySpace specializes in is finding underground bands. Some WYLFWT.com featured bands such as This Burning Earth can all can be found on MySpace.

In fact, WYLFWT.com has an account at http://www.myspace.com/wylfwtdotcom. Well, we DID have it at http://www.myspace.com/wylfwtcom. BUT...pretty much every useful feature broke on the account for no real reason whatsoever. Not that I tried getting MySpace's Useless Tech Support to fix it.

Well, I decided about a month ago it was time to delete the old account. I kept it up mostly during the transition of re-adding 2000 friends that MySpace had. Oh yeah, it was definitely good times. After I deleted the account, MySpace decided to follow up with a form asking me "Hey buddy! Why did you delete your account? Don't you love it here?" Of course, that set me off, and I wrote this nice message...

None of my damn features work anymore. I can't add friends. I can't send messages. I contacted tech support around 7 times and got a stupid answer each time that had nothing to do with my problem. So, I had to start a new one. Was a big hassle. If you guys weren't number one in social networking I'd dump you assholes in a second.

Now that we got that one out of the way, this edition is going to be just some random fun with no real theme as to what we are looking at. So, why don't we kick this off with our first weirdo!

OPENING WEIRDO

RJ45: Unfuckingbelievable... I don't even know where to begin on this guy. So, why don't we run down my favorite highlights?

First of all, way to give out your cell phone number, you dumbass. Why do people do that? Do they expect hot women to call someone named Bubba because they posted a stupid picture of themselves and rambled on about how they meet crazy women at Anime cons?!

Second of all, being a cashier at the Electronic Boutique where you constantly suggestive sell crap is not a career. Its a job. A career would be pretty much any other job but that one. Also, the words "pimp" and "video game store" should not belong within 30 words of each other. In fact, I'm making a judgment right now in what I like to call the first ever RJ45 Online Restraining Order. Anybody who uses those very phrases with 30 words of each other will be found in contempt of my court.

Thirdly. allow me to sum up the rest of my grievances. Alcoholic roots? Who actually says that besides Bubba? Also, no one gives a shit about what tea you drink, so get that off your damn profile.

Finally, he has a crazy sex drive? Wow, you and every other male ages 12 to 63! Who here wants to take bets that Urkel here is, in reality, a virgin?

I RECEIVE SPAM #1

Okay, so you get yet another add from a fake profile. You get curious as to what this jerk is selling you, and you see this piece of shit pop up.

While, I am pretty certain most of you know this, I am still going to spell it out for you....

THE MYSPACE ADULT CONTENT VIEWER IS MALWARE. DON'T DOWNLOAD IT!

In fact, you really aren't missing much. I was able to get to the pictures of one of these "adult profiles." The profile is deleted by now, but this is the picture I recovered...

SHE'S A MAN, BABY!

I RECEIVE SPAM #2

I received this piece of crap spam the other month...

From:	NeYdA http://www.myspace.com/93195579
Date:	Jan 20, 2007 8:47 PM
Subject:	Your myspace support!
Body:	Man, arn't you tired of your myspace layout yet? Why dont you go pimp your myspace page out with this site. Myspace Pimp! Thank me later.

RJ45: I BEG YOUR PARDON! My MySpace Profile is one of the few decorated profiles that isn't a full on assault on your eyes. In fact, way to insult the best background ever? What background was that at the time of this message? Why none other than the second coming of THE ASTRO MAN!

Astro Man... Gone But Never Forgotten

BULLETINS I'M TIRED OF SEEING

You open up your profile to check to see what your friends have been up to. You see that someone that you respect a lot post this very bulletin...

From:	Some Guy
Date:	Flam 20, 2099 6:66 DM
Subject:	I'm moving
Body:	For those who are on my friend list...I totally have to agree with all of you who say people are getting fake In here. So I gave in and let's see who really reposts this. This is a test to see who's paying attention. It serves to eliminate people who are trying to add "friends" like its a popularity contest in High School. This is a test to see how many people in my friends list actually pay attention to me. Copy and repost in your own bulletin. Lets see who the true friends are and I think I know who you are.. Repost this if you are a friend.. Don't reply... just copy and paste this in a new bulletin as "I'm moving"

WOW... how stupid is that? I personally want to track down whoever first wrote this manipulative asinine crap and punch them in the groin. People repost this because they don't want to be "defriended" by whoever posted this first. Its a fucking vicious cycle and could potentially be the source of stupid unnecessary drama. People, anyone who "defriends" you on MySpace because you don't fee like being Mr./Mrs. Chain Bulletin, ain't much of a friend to begin with. Not only that, but what about the friends who only log on once a month? What about the people who don't read bulletins? I mean, there are so many mitigating factors, that the whole concept of this is as idiotic as the Boston Aqua Teen Bomb Scare.

CLOSING WEIRDO

RJ45: I'm pretty sure no one else is going to be asking this guy questions.

Think about it, on the internet anymore, you get ONE CHANCE to tell the world your story. ONE CHANCE. So, what do you do? You post a picture of you in a Chip 'n' Dale-like outfit with an empty 12 pack box on your head. Sure, that will win 'em over! That's not all of the awesome pictures this team groper...err... roper has posted:

Starts playing that infamous dueling banjos riff...

His horses are cool. What? Do they wear Nike Horse Shoes? Are they are limousine ridin', jet flying, kiss stealin', wheelin' dealing, sons of guns?! WOO!

Funny when you mention the names Kip and Tina. Whenever anybody names their animal Tina, I can help but immediately go to this:

Tina you fat lard! Come out and eat your food!

Well... if nothing else, at least Jake likes cookies.

Well, I really hoped you all loved this column. Some feedback is definitely going to be appreciated.

Thanks all!

RJ45