25 Things We Learned From Eagle Eye

Last Friday, I saw the film Eagle Eye. I am going to tell you this right now, don't fucking see this movie.

I went to go see this movie based off of a few things:

- Shia LeBeauf is one of my favorite new actors to break out in the past couple of years. He was great in Transformers, and took what would have been just an average movie in Disturbia and turned it into something worth watching.

- I was interested in seeing Billy Bob Thorton do something than being the usual middle-aged sleasy alcoholic that he generally plays.

- The trailers looked intriguing. (Yeah, I know! They are supposed to look intriguing!)

- Steven Spielberg was attached to the movie.

So, I saw that it had potential. I don't like to read critic reviews of movies before I see them because I don't want them to cloud my judgement. In retrospect, I probably should have checked them out.

Eagle Eye - Where Realism Gets Its Ass Kicked

I will give the movie its due... the action sequences are mindless fun. Shia LeBeauf is the best thing in this movie and Billy Bob Thorton really can do something other than being the middle-aged sleasy alcoholic.

Other than all of that... this movie is basically horrible for many reasons.The biggest is that its impossible to suspend disbelief. There is a point where you can enjoy plot twists and there is a point where you just break down laughing at how dumb it all is.

"BUT RJ! Its a movie! It is more realistic than The Matrix! LOL!"

Which I wouldn't have a problem with, only they promoted this movie as a political thriller and not a sci-fi film!

So, after talking with other people in general and over the internet about this movie, I have developed a list of 25 things we can learn from this movie and apply to real life.

So, without further ado...


WARNING: SPOILERS!

1. When a computer tells you not to attack at a Muslim funeral, you should probably listen.

2. You can break into Congressional buildings when the president is giving the State of Union address easily. Just say you're with the FBI and flash your badge.

3. A 22 year old Air Force officer apparently can get access to top secret stuff, and have the power to override security protocols.

4. You can overpower a guard in order to get his uniform.

5. You can make it all the way to the room where all the politicians are and fire numerous shots into the air.

6. After getting shot numerous times, you can still make it out alive.

7. The supercomputer can hack into power lines in rural areas and kill people with it.

8. Getting hit by said broken power lines will cause a human to explode and vaporate.

9. If there are massive car wrecks where cars spin and flip at high speeds, as long as you are important, you can expect to walk away from it.

10. Shia LeBeauf may be able to save Disturbia, but he can't save Eagle Eye.

11. If you thought the purpose of Super Computers was to simplify things then, well, you were wrong. DEAD WRONG.

12. All you have to do is poke the computer's eye to destroy it.

13. All evil Super Computers have a sexy female caucasian voice.

14. Instead of using a drone to do it's killing, a super-computer will hijack a fighter jet and needlessly chase a young man through a tunnel causing enormous collateral damage instead of using said drone to just do the damn job itself.

15. Live Free or Die Hard is now a realistic scenario.

16. War Games is now a realistic scenario.

17. The super-computer saw Enemy of the State too many times.

18. Having a waterfall inside your gigantic computer will not cause it to short out.

19. Computers can interpret what you are saying by studying vibrations off of a coffee cup.

20. A little children's symphony sounds better than most high schools.

21. Big Brother is listening in on your conversations, even if your phone is turned off.

22. When you come home and find a bunch of weapons, poisons and ammunition, you should probably go hide with your elderly landlord.

23. All evil computers and/or robots have a gigantic red eye!

24. If you have a super computer that can re-route and essentially control everything. Instead of wiping out the Executive Branch itself, it will needlessly over-complicate things and put the fate of its' master plans into a child hitting a high F note on a trumpet.

25. Eagle Eye is a dumb fucking movie.