Was This Review Helpful To You? #14: Wii Would Like to Play!

Your eyes do not deceive you, yes, it is a brand new edition of "Was This Review Helpful To You?" The last one I did was hastily slapped together last November. So, this one I put a little more thought into it.

For those unaware, Was This Review Helpful To You? makes fun of some of the reviews posted on Amazon.com. On Amazon.com, basically anyone that knows how to type can write a review. Some of them are pretty impressive and some of them are a complete joke. I,of course, pick out the complete joke of a review. They don't provide any information as to why they like or not like something. They go on totally unrelated to the actual product tangents (e.g. "Lars Ulrich is a greedy douche bag. Metallica's ...And Justice For All gets 1 Star!") The grammar may be horrible. It could be anything. If it totally taints a review, that is where I come in!

Recently, as some of my readers know, I got a Nintendo Wii. WOO! Well, now I am doing research on what games have gotten overwhelming good reviews, and find out why games that got negative reviews got those reviews.

So, I went to Amazon.com because you get a good mixture of both hardcore gamers and casual gamers. I used to be a hardcore gamer, but I've fallen to kind of in the middle over the years for my own personal sanity's sake.

However, doing my research, after finding the Wii Fit review that you will be seeing, I got inspiration to compile a new edition of this column! So here we go!

Mario Kart Wii

this game suck By J. Bailey "MGB"

this game is the best game ever but it gets u so mad i played and beat all the cups besides 1 the lightning cup and i got so pissed off because every 5 seconds i get shot off a cliff and get in last so i broke the tv and the wii itself but i dont care because it is protected and i got another one. so overall this game is fun and besides i went to [...] and beat the game so screw u, u stupid game i just easily cheated. so buy this game but do not get into it because all u will do is get pissed and break something.

Was This Review Helpful To You? Wow, I agree with one of the comments on this review. This is the best game review EVER!

Bravo, though, for you awesome anger and impulse control. It rawks!

Although, I can say that Mario Kart Wii can get VERY frustrating, but its still a lot of fun.

Super Smash Bros Brawl.
Most overrated videogame in the history of videogames By nvcameron

Dont get me wrong the game is silly fun with some friends over but all these perfect scores are a riot. After playing for a few hours I was wondering if I was playing the same game everyone else is but then again if I was judging this on whats available on the Wii I guess this is as good as it gets. I guess I just dont get it.

Was This Review Helpful To You? How can a game go from "Silly fun" to "the most overrated video game in the history of video games" within a few sentences?

Now, if you want to talk overrated games "in the history of video games," look no further than Tomb Raider, or if you are into PC games, remember Myst? CASE CLOSED.

Deca Sports

If you love Badminton, you will love this game. By avant

I first played this game at my brother's place and I couldn't wait to get my own. I am a big fan of Badminton, and actually I am a semi-pro badminton player myself. What do I have to say is that the badminton game feels like a REAL game, and the controls feels like you are swinging a real racket. Since you are not controlling the movements of the player, you will need to be patient not to swing too early, i.e., wait till the player closer to the birdie to smash or drop. What is really satisfying is that you can even deliver a faked smash, jumping high in the air to fake the smash, but drop the birdie. While receiving the drop, you may drop back or return it far to the back court, just like play a REAL game!!! This is so fun and both my brother and I got sore arms after playing a very tense game.

All in all, I love BADMINTON and the Deca Sports simulates it VERY well, and I really enjoyed it.

Was This Review Helpful To You? Seriously... semi-professional badminton?

Wii Fit

If You Are Old/Pudgy/Awkward - Prepare for HUMILIATION by Prudence

The same reasons you don't use that gym membership are going to haunt you if you buy the Wii Fit - you're too fat. You're too old. You're too awkward.

I'm 48, fat, and trying hard to get in shape. I exercise a LOT, and was pleased to get the Wii Fit; I thought I'd found a new exercise to keep my enthusiasm up. Instead, every single time I stand on the thing, it announces in a cutesy, childish voice, "That's OBESE." The first time it did it, I was okay; I'm not an idiot. I know how overweight I am and figured it was recording my stats in its memory, where it would brood them until it had some useful information to offer.

But the second day, it pointed it out to me again. Did it think perhaps I was suddenly going to loose the fifty pounds? Or maybe the twenty-five that was going to put me at the (oh how joyous) "That's OVERWEIGHT" stage? Did it think I needed a reminder?

On the third day ("That's OBESE!"), I weighed more - and it actually forced me to select why I thought I'd gained weight from a list of eight items, none of which was "Just drank a massive pot of tea so quit your whining." Then I was treated to a lecture on eating. There's not much you can tell a fat person about eating; I KNOW I should balance my meals and avoid snacking. Thanks for the hot tip.

The Wii Fit offers you your "Wii Age," based on your weight, height, real age, and ability to balance. On the first day, it told me I was 62. I got a little lecture. By the second day, I'd sussed out the balance tests and made it to 38; at that point the Wii told me "you're still in pretty good shape." That "still" is so condescending, isn't it? Methinks we've got a slight bias towards youth and slimness... just like in the average gym.

When I first did the balance tests, the machine actually mocked me. "I see balance isn't your thing. Do you find you trip when you walk?" This is offered as a smile; but it's the smile of a taut twenty-something who has no idea that one day, age will be visiting him or her, too. Time will catch up to the heartless, ageist programmers... in the meantime, I'm going to take my Wii Fit out to the driveway and crush it beneath the wheels of my obese van. It has insulted and demoralized me for the last time. And the exercises didn't even challenge me - so while it was insulting me, I wasn't even breaking a sweat.

If you're a kid or someone who's within the bounds of what insurance companies think you should weigh, go ahead - buy it. It probably won't insult you. But if you aren't the type to preen in every mirror you come to, think twice. It's a pretty expensive way to be humiliated and discouraged.

Was That Review Helpful To You? Jesus Flipping Christ, yes, I get it, you're fat. I'm fat, but to quote someone I also know who is fat, we didn't get this way just by looking at food!

So yes, an inanimate object insulted you. Boo hoo. Get over it.

So, you want a Nintendo Wii, eh? Well, for our traditional special bonus section for this column, here are 20 items that will help you get started with some awesome Wii action!
20 Items For Your Wii!

Wii

This is where its all at right here!

Wii Play with Wii Remote

Not only of you get your 2nd controller, but you get a great set of games to go with it!

Wii Nunchuk Controller

You need your Nunchuk attachment for several games

Wii Charge Station

Save money on batteries in the long run and get a charge station for your Wii Remotes!

Wii Points Card

Gotta have some Wii Points to play those classics!

Wii Classic Controller

You are going to want one of these bad boys for the Wii Virtual Console!

SanDisk Wii Gaming SD Memory 1 GB (retail package)

Use this to store extra classic games, saves, Miis, or what have you!

Mario Kart Wii with Wii Wheel

This is a GREAT game. You can use the Wii Remote w/ Wii Wheel, Wii Remote w/ Nunchuk, Classic Controller, or the GameCube Controller to play!

Super Mario Galaxy

If you loved the Mario series, then you are going to absolutely LOVE Super Mario Galaxy!

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

This game is lots of fun. You can use any of the controller combinations to play it, as well!

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Zelda is perhaps consistently one of the best video game series ever, and this game just furthers that along!

Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock

Now its time to be a rock star with some Guitar Hero action!

Rayman Raving Rabbids

If you are on a budget, then this game is a great value!

Resident Evil 4

Not only is this a cheap game, but its Resident freakin' Evil with specialized Wii controls! How can you go wrong?!

Wii Zapper with Link's Crossbow Training

Another fantastic accessory and it comes with a great game!

Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles

And here is another game that can go with your new Wii Zapper!

Gamecube Wavebird Wireless Controller Grey

Don't forget, the Wii is backwards compatible with the Wii, so score yourself one of these controllers and start playing some of the GameCube's best!

Gamecube Memory Card 1019

And you are probably going to need this to save your GameCube games as they don't save on the Wii console.

width=40>Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem

Get this awesome and actually somewhat scary survival horror game from Nintendo so you can play some of the best GameCube games!

Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes

And finally, continuing with the GameCube theme, here is a great remake of the original Metal Gear Solid!

Well, that is it for today. Later dudes!

RJ45