You are an idiot.

Test:

Did you leave university at 23 but still maintain a status of perpetual studentness, both in your attire and manner, despite hitting 30 sooner rather than later?

Is your hair uncomfortable but expensive/shit but cool in an NME sense?

Do you wear shoes that are pointy and longer than your face?

Do you buy designer underwear despite knowing that the only thing touching it will be the areas of your body which excretes? 

Do you find Family Guy season 4 funny despite it being a repeat of Family Guy season 1 which wasn't that funny?

Do you drive a mini or a volkswagen?

Do you really really really know your music (which means you don't but you know lots of shit bands and in your eyes quantity is better than substance)?

Do you attend a tanning booth ever?

Do you like Snow Patrol?

Do you wear scarves in the height of summer because it's kewl?

Do you use txt spk?

Do you dress like a school teacher?

Have you lived your life by THE NME or Q?

Do you walk like you are continually being bludgeoned with a blunt instrument in the rectum?

Do you have an "arty" myspaz pose?

Do you refer to yourself as a camera whore?

Do you smoke marlboro lights?

Does your father drive an estate car or a renault/volvo? 

Is your mother a kept woman who spends her days eating twix, shopping at clockwork orange despite being 47 and lusting after the gardener from Degenerate Housewives?

Have you ever committed an act of self harm and told everyone you know?

If you have answered yes to any of the above you are an idiot. You are the dreggs of society and in my view everything that is wrong with the world today. You are to oxygen what Robert Maxwell was to pensions. You know nothing. Have nothing to add to anyones life. You irritate me greatly and perhaps more so as in wrting this I have become as bad as you.