| Title | Author | Posted |
|---|---|---|
| I finally finished going | abnery08 | 02/09/2010 - 2:53am |
| I still have a bit of yard | abnery08 | 02/09/2010 - 2:46am |
| The trouble is that we have | abnery08 | 02/09/2010 - 2:43am |
| I have been slowly catching | liam05 | 02/08/2010 - 2:42am |
| A lady is giving a party for | liam05 | 02/08/2010 - 2:40am |
Flare Time Vol. 40: Death to False Metal
Submitted by FlareHolyMeteo on Fri, 01/11/2008 - 12:10am.
Hello my brothers! FlareHolyMeteo is here to give you a lesson on metal! Brothers of steel, all heed my words!
We shall educate everyone on false metal!
But first, what is metal?
The true metals of steel reside within the boxes that are colored in some way blue. These metals are true for they are malleable, conductors of heat and electricity, are ductile, and can withstand the Dragon's flame. They keep to what is true in the world of metal. However, we are here to educate you on false metals.
What is a false metal? Chemists normally denote these so-called metals as "metalloids." In the chart above, they are marked by a green box. For example, Silicon is a false metal because it can conduct electricity, but not heat. Silicon, therefore, is a poser metal. Other examples of mallcore garbage metals include Boron, Germanium, Arsenic, Antimony, Tellurium, Polonium, and Astatine. True Metal Warriors like Iron, Gold, and Tungsten spit in the faces of posers like Antimony. To prove that Silicion is commercialized bullshit, we can look into our computers. Oh, well, Silicion made itself appeal to the computer industry by removing its trueness and selling out to Dell. We, as true metal warriors, will not stand for this!
However, there are some metal warriors out there that even reject the mainstream true metals like Iron and Gold. The kvlt metals, also known as the Lanthanides and Actinides, are rare among the world. They also do not appeal to many people. However, Uranium is a sellout because it is popular, and hence a false metal. You can only be kvlt if you are as rare as Promethium. All mainstream metals are posers in the eyes of the kvlt metals.
(Retarded spoof over)
If you don't get what is going on by now, this is simply a satire of the heavy metal music scene as it is today. Just look for "true metal" in Google and you'll see what I'm talking about.
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URANIUM IS A SELL OUT!
Uranium is a sell-out! Before the A-Bomb was just all about being Uranium, but once that first bomb went off, might of as well just skip it all as now its just about the BOOM.
A heavy metal music parody involving science... only you would do that, Flare.
kvlt main-group chemistry!
kvlt main-group chemistry!
IRON
Iron is the true innovators of metal, especially in the Blast Furnace! Back in the days when they were in Blast furnaces (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blast_furnace) when they used Charcoal, it was great. However, I guess Charcoal got a little erratic and they switched to Coke fuel.... which don't get me wrong, I like Coke fuel, but there is nothing quite like Charcoal blast furnaces. However, the days after Coke fuel, the iron was always there, but Blast Furnaces became such a joke!!!!
Heh...
Yeah, and its people like you that make the whole metal scene fighting against pop music worthless. People just don't know what good music is and we intend of making them listen to good music and the whole thing about with that science crap is gay. What does the element chart have to do with metal?
END BRITNEY SPEARS! END JESSICA & ASHLEE ALBA! END SLIPKNOT! END MALLCORE!
What does the element chart have to do with metal?
Okay, not 11 days into 2008 and we may already have WYLFWT.com's 2008 Quote of the Year:
"What does the element chart have to do with metal?"
Who's Ashlee Alba? Jessia
Who's Ashlee Alba? Jessia Alba is not even a pop singer, but an actress!
What does the periodic table have to do with metal? Well, if you knew anything, which judging by the use of the word "gay" to bash something, I assume that you are a dolt. Heavy metal was named after, well, the chemical elements called metals. The periodic table of elements lists the metals in an organized matter. But I guess that explanation was gay like science, as there was so much sodomy occurring.
Also, forcing music down people's throats is completely useless. If people don't want to listen to metal, they won't. If people listen to Slipknot, so fucking what? It's people like you that make people don't want to listen to metal, but instead listen to pop. They are turned off by a closed-minded jackass who calls everything gay despite the lack of sodomy or male-to-male relationships.
HA!
"What does the element chart have to do with metal?"
Seriously, I want that on a t-shirt...
Awesomeness incarnate.
I see what you did there.
I see what you did there. XD
Nice man!
And to Brutaltruth, the poser-metalist, if you can't take a fucking joke then you don't belong here.
However, there are some
However, there are some metal warriors out there that even reject the mainstream true metals like Iron and Gold. The kvlt metals, also known as the Lanthanides and Actinides, are rare among the world. They also do not appeal to many people. However, Uranium is a sellout because it is popular, and hence a false metal. You can only be kvlt if you are as rare as Promethium. All mainstream metals are posers in the eyes of the kvlt metals.
Heaviest metal
While not naturally occuring, Ununbium (listed as element 112 in the old table here, and mostly called that (Ununbium is a temporary name)) has the atomic weight of 285 in the most stable form with a half-life of about 30 minutes, and is the heaviest metal yet discovered. For comparison, back in the 60s when Led Zeppelin started out, they may have been early heavy metal, but lead has only an atomic weight of 207.2. While heavy does not necessarily imply true, it is a good indicator of the veracity of metal.
Death To False Metal
http://juleneharrison.wordpress.com/2009/04/08/death-to-false-metal/
That's really good.
Hey, that's actually really good!
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