BOOBISH: The Proposal

Do you think that if we were to create a language in which women talk with their breasts, men would listen better? I would. So, let us ban together and create this: Boobish. The language in which we don't talk with our voices, but rather our boobs.

"Hey Danny, if we invented a language with our boobs, I'm sure Bush would find a way for God to say it is bad and ban it."

Yes, that is true. However, even if he did, we could reply in Boobish with our most hateful response: A squirting in the eye with warm milk.

Also God loves breasts, otherwise he would not make us all love them so much. It even says so in the bible. (Don't know where, but I am sure, with the right interpretation, it could be.) If the Bible says so, then it has to be true! Except for Leviticus, and Genesis (the band), those were both poorly put together.

Plus, if The Bible were not meant to be about picking and choosing what we wanted to take from it, why wouldn't there be a footnote about that. God loves Footnotes!*

One common statement that I am sure will be made is "How would the men be able to talk?"

The first thing we must know about women is that they really don't want us to talk. They want us to care about their problems. We could speak to other men in our own language: Sports. You must also consider that men could hypothetically speak Boobish, but only quietly... which is also what women want from us.

Another common statement that could be made is, "Wouldn't men lose all arguments?"

Once again, is this a bad thing?

Other points in support of Boobish:  

• Many women complain about men just looking at their boobs and not listening to what they are saying. Now we kill two birds with one stone! Win-Win!
   
• If immigrants would be forced to learn Boobish, I'll bet we would not only have less immigrants, but much more fun immigrants as well.
   
• Supermodels already have a job as translators during the transition from spoken word to Boobish period. That would make the first few years of the transition still rough in terms of communication, but at least it would be easy on the eyes!
   
• Imagine government meetings if everyone spoke Boobish. C-SPAN would suddenly get much more interesting.
   
• Speaking of government, you think George Bush sounds ridiculous now? Imagine the speeches that he could deliver if he speaks Boobish!

So to that I must say Mr. President, please take away the official language of English, I have better plans.

Are you with me women?! If you want us to listen, say so... but not with words.

To all of my supporters, thank you for your support in this very tough argument for language. You are the wire frame in the bra that is our next great language.

- Danny

Footnotes:

*Depends if God loves breasts as well.