Have You Ever Wondered?

We are back with Classic Fries! Every Saturday, we will pull something from The Museum and reprint it for those to enjoy! This gives those a chance who never got a chance to read it the first time a second chance, since the Museum itself is so large and its hard for anyone to decide where to begin.

Today, I post one of the series of rants I had when I first started out with in A Day in the Life column. The series is called "Have You Ever Wondered?"

Basic stuff, but still decent enough.

Welcome everybody, readers, to another totally reeking of awesomeness edition of A Day in the Life. I am your host for the time being, Richie Jackson. Ladies and Gentlemen, let me enlighten you, as I continue my journey through my new life with you, the readers.

Today's edition will be "Have You Ever Wondered?" Enjoy!

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I have a good question for you...Have Your Ever Wondered? Sometimes, we just wonder things by ourselves, but never actually express what we are wondering. That is why it is my job to finally say these things that are on our mind.

For example...

Have you ever wondered about Wal-Mart TV? You know, those annoying TV sets that advertise for certain products in the store. I don't have a problem with certain products being advertised, but what bothers me is why they have advertisements that promote the store Wal-Mart. Why would you advertise for the store itself when you are ALREADY IN THE STORE?! I'm here in the store. I already know the stores precedents that it has established. I don't want to listen to that crap. Please just tell me what you have on sale so we can get on with our lives.

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Have you ever wondered why they sell gloves that don't give the ability to turn a doorknob correctly? When you put on these thick gloves, even if you grab as hard as you can; you still just can't seem to be able to OPEN THE DOOR. So why don't they make gloves that at least have some traction so we can turn doorknobs? It is just something that has bugged me.

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Here is a situation that I have always wondered about. When you open up your side of the door in a car, and you try to unlock the passenger side, but the passenger continues to try to open the door as if they can magically some way by osmosis open the door. I think they know by now they have to wait a little bit before they get in the car...so why do these people continue doing it?! It is just something I've wondered about, and gosh darn it, I want answers!

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I've always wondered something about women who are pregnant. It is these certain women that even though they know it is the last thing they should be doing while pregnant, they still SMOKE AND DRINK?! WHY ON EARTH IS THAT?! They know that it could kill the baby or effect their child for the rest of their life, but they still do it! I don't get that, why would you do that to your own child?! It is just something I have always wondered about, and I would that to be explained to me.

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Have you ever wondered why people make big productions and announcement about normal bodily functions? Like when certain people just have to announce "I just farted." I am not impressed with this big production you are putting on, because every human alive has done it at least once. Just please get the air freshener and let us forget about it.

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Those are just some of the things that I have wondered about. Hopefully someday, I will find something that I think puzzles everybody, but we just aren't actually saying it.

If you have things you wondered about, but never actually said anything about it, send them to me. I am really curious, and would like your feedback.

That is it for today. I will be back again soon for another great edition of A Day in the Life.

Merry we part, and merry we meet again. Blessed be...

Richie Jackson