Condoms, AIDS, Ribbons, Valentine's Day Snack Cakes, and President's Day

We are back with Classic Fries! Every Saturday, we will pull something from The Museum and reprint it for those to enjoy! This gives those a chance who never got a chance to read it the first time a second chance, since the Museum itself is so large and its hard for anyone to decide where to begin.

I don't know how I managed to time this one right, but here are some musings about the following random topics I somehow connected to each other:

- Hotels & Condoms
- AIDS
- Ribbons
- Holiday Themed Products
- President's Day

Enjoy!

…let me enlighten you, this is the way I pray…

February 17, 2004

#82 – “Complete and Utter Randomness”

“We are bringing this tape down to a whole new generation of nerds,” – 5iN from The Opening Promo of Would You Like Fries With That? – The Next Generation

I’m BACK…and better than ever! Well, at the very least, I am back. It feels great. I thank everyone for their support. I also want to wish a reader a Happy 20th Birthday. I wish 5iN a Happy Birthday.

To get myself back in the swing of things, I am going to just talk about random stuff, sort of like the old days of Would You Like Fries With That? Newsletter. Random stuff rules!

Complete and Utter Randomness

Sort of Old School for RJ45, but I love randomness.

Complimentary Condoms: Motels provide towels, soap, shampoo, bags, containers, cups, and everything else that people walk away with. I feel that Motels should also now start providing complimentary condoms. A good half of everybody who stays in a motel, usually look end up having sex in it.

Motels provide everything to make their guests safe and comfortable, now they can help protect their guests in a whole new way. Now Motels can help protect their guests from getting pregnant, getting an STD, and everything else.

Heck, we could say that Motels could be joining people in the fight against AIDS. Now that’s awesome!

Speaking of the Fight Against AIDS: Sometimes I see people wear ribbons in their fight against AIDS. A few years ago, I had somebody ask me why I wasn’t wearing a ribbon on AIDS day or week or whatever they have now.

“Aren’t you against AIDS?” is what the person asked me.

I told them yes. Now, I have a better answer.

"What sane person isn’t?"

Not counting those "God Hates Fags" idiots, is there seriously anybody out there joining the fight to keep AIDS? I haven’t seen many bumper stickers that say “Support the Preservation of AIDS” or "AIDS is A Part Of Us All."

I don’t need to wear a ribbon to tell people how I feel about this disease.

Ribbons: I am sorry, but I am simply not a ribbon person. We have a ribbon for everything now! Why is this necessary? Aren’t speeches, books, donating money, and actually doing something about it enough? A ribbon does nothing but put a hole in one of your good shirts. Fuck that. If I wore a ribbon for everything I support and fought, I would become a gift wrapped in tie-dye wrapping paper.

Ridiculous Holiday Items: Speaking of gifts, I think that some of these companies are going way too damn overboard with these fucking holiday gift items. I wouldn’t be surprised if you ran into Valentine’s Day-themed Horse Manure!

The other day, I saw something similar to a Hostess cake, only it was Valentine’s Day themed. It was a generic item. On the wrapper, it said, “Makes the perfect Valentine’s Day Gift!”

Let me tell you something, the only guys who are going to have the nerve of presenting that as their girlfriend/wife/fiancé/etc. Valentine’s Day gift are the ones who were planning on having back problems from sleeping on the couch for the next six days.

I really don’t think this situation will happen:

Guy: “Happy Valentine’s Day honey! Here’s your snack cake!”

Girl: “Awww…I am going to forever preserve this cake as a token in the future for us to look back on years from now. This was such a wonderful day. I love you!”

President’s Day: As we are on the topic of holidays, I have wondered about President’s Day. Why do the Presidents need a day to be honored? We honor them every freaking day! Not a day goes by unless we have heard about any President that has ever served in office. There is history books, biographies, fiction novels, movies, documentaries, and news casts all dedicated to a President! In my honest opinion, all President’s Day accomplishes is closing the bank, delay some grade school’s summer vacations, and stopping the mail!

That is it for today! I hope everybody enjoyed this edition!

I will be back again soon with another post! Thanks everybody! It feels great to be back!

“The cow goes MOOOO!!!!” – See & Say

RJ45