Classic Rants #4

We are back with Classic Fries! Every Saturday, we will pull something from The Museum and reprint it for those to enjoy! This gives those a chance who never got a chance to read it the first time a second chance, since the Museum itself is so large and its hard for anyone to decide where to begin.

Today we are continuing a series of "Classic Rants" featuring some highlights (and lowlights) from the original Would You Like Fries With That? column! Enjoy!

Now is it just me? Or is there any possible way you can understand THE ERROR MESSAGE ON YOUR COMPUTER?! I always get error messages on the computers at school, and sometimes on my own...AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ON EARTH THEY ARE SAYING! I mean...can't computers just spell it out in PLAIN ENGLISH on what they mean. But NNOOOO! We get "Invalid Page Fault", and then about 300 different numbers after that! Now...I have one question...WHAT ON EARTH DOES THAT MEAN?! My printer only has 5 seconds to live?! TELL ME! INSTEAD OF MAKING ME GO CRAZY AND NEVER FIGURE OUT WHAT IT MEANS! It's a mystery to the normal everyday computer users...that's for sure...

Tommy Lee, one man who simply just WON'T GO AWAY. But not in the good way like Ozzy...I mean in the annoying way like Shaq. No one simply cares anymore. Here we have a guy who lead a successful career in the most popular Hair Band of the 80s (Motley Crue), and is the star of the best selling pornography video with his co-star who at the time was the most desired woman by 11-15 year olds (Pamela Anderson, he's really getting his jollies). He also has millions of dollars and lives in a really nice house. The only real bad thing that happened to him is that he was in jail for a few days...BIG FUCKING DEAL. So he first comes a few years ago when Nu Metal was the rage and released his Methods of Mayhem CD that really sucked and so he disappreared for a little bit. But now he comes back like herpes with him trying to capitalize on this Nu Grunge thing going on, with a song complaining about people "Holding Him Down". All I have to say is this: |\| (This is the world's tiniest violin, playing the worlds' saddest song). So you've got a lot of money, a good career to look back on, and you banged Pamela Anderson...I know this is a very depressing life, but you just have to LET IT GO and just tour with Motley Crue on nostalgia tours, and stop being a wannabe.

Here is something we have all ran into. We goto the soda machine to by our favorite cola. We insert our dollar, we reach down to press the button for the soda to come out. ONLY TO REALIZE...the soda is SOLD OUT, and it won't give our dollar back. So now you have no choice but to pick what you consider a "second rate" soda. ISN'T THAT ANNOYING?! It happens to me all the freakin' time! WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?! It's certainly a mystery that will never be solved...