Classic Rants #2

We are back with Classic Fries! Every Saturday, we will pull something from The Museum and reprint it for those to enjoy! This gives those a chance who never got a chance to read it the first time a second chance, since the Museum itself is so large and its hard for anyone to decide where to begin.

Today we are continuing a series of "Classic Rants" featuring some highlights (and lowlights) from the original Would You Like Fries With That? column! Enjoy!

You know what I find absolutely annoying? MORNING RADIO TALK SHOWS! THEY ALL SUCK MAJOR GOAT NUTS! When I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to hear the pre-recorded laughter of Bob and Tom, the true disaster that is Lytle and Lamb’s “Morning Disaster”, or Howard Stern proving he has the mentality of someone of the age of 14...HE ACTS LIKE HE’S NEVER SEEN A NAKED WOMAN IN YOUR LIFE! These shows are NOT FUNNY, they are just stupid. I think they should just be put out of their misery once and for all. I just thank the gods everyday that 99x plays MUSIC in the morning (what a concept).

You know what also bothers me? These guys give me the WILLIES just looking at them. Seriously, visit their pages, and you would think THE SAME THING!

If you are worried you are going to go too far with your girl or your man...JUST LOOK AT THESE WEBSITES, and everything will be taken care of. (hey, that should be TPPP product!)

In conclusion, I think Lytle, Lamb, Stern, Bob, and Tom should be exiled to a village of cannibals, that’s if they find them appetizing.

You know what physically disturbs me on some remote controls for VCRs? Eject buttons...WHAT’S THE POINT?! Why do you need an eject button ON THE DAMN REMOTE? You are going to get up and get the tape anyways! So what is the point? I guess the world will never know...

You know what I think I will do when I get a license plate for my car? I am going to have it read “Kevin 45”. or something along that. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE WILL SEE IT COMING. Seriously, what if you just put down a name that has no relevance to anything in your life as your license plate. Why do I want to do this? Because I want THIS conversation to happen:

Stranger: Hey, is your name Kevin?
Me: No...
Stranger: Then why does your license plate have the name Kevin on it?
Me: For shits and giggles...

THAT WOULD SO TOTALLY REEK OF AWESOMENESS!