Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. The House of Creativity is proud to announce that Would You Like Fries With That? The Newsletter/Column/Blog/Etc has relaunched after 599 editions back to #1, where we all started 18 years ago. I am Richie Eston, and these are my thoughts…
Like Trix, Laser Tag Isn’t Just For Kids
Apparently a laser tag facility opened up in my hometown recently according to the local news. However, in the article covering it, I found some things that mentioned was a bit trouble. Why is that? Because it repeatedly used words and phrases like “great for kids,” “children,” and “young ones.”
Never once did they mention a 33 year old kid at heart who has played a bit too much Fallout. My friends and family concurred with this assessment with my cousin saying “Bet they weren’t picturing me running through there like Rambo. No mercy.”
When Sanitation Gets Deep
I walk out and on the side of a Waste Management truck was in big words “What if nothing was considered Waste?”…… is WM having an existential crisis? You alright, buddy?
A Useless and Annoying Warning
You know what I hate? When my phone warns me about turning up the volume of my music when headphones are plugged in. Don’t tell me how to live my life Samsung. You don’t know me. You don’t know these headphones. Are you playing fast and loose by assuming the volume of my headphones?
Not only that, but if I want to go deaf listening to my music, it is my choice. Dammit, this is America. In America if we want to be a firefighter we can be a firefighter (maybe). If we want to headbutt the statue of liberty, there’s nobody other than security and heavy medication that can stop you. So go forth Americans, if you got Slayer on your phone and patriotism in your heart, crank that volume up. USA! USA! USA!
When Creature Comforts Die
Ladies and gentleman it’s with a heavy heart that I must deliver this news I was given on my way to work. Dunkin Donuts has discontinued it’s Fudge Brownie Iced Coffee. When I went to my local Dunkin Donuts and ordered it last time, the gentleman said it was the last one. Now, I had assumed they meant the last one of the day and not the last one ever.
If I had known that it was the last one ever this store would give out, I would have, I don’t know, savored it more. Instead, I did what I usually do when a cold beverage and my lips meet. I chugged that mothertrucker and I chugged it good.
So ladies and gentleman…the lesson we have learned here is to not take delicious flavors of coffee for granted. It could be the last time you ever have it. Don’t live a life of regrets. Be yourself! You be you!
True Bizarre News Headline of the Day (aka Not the Onion):
Netflix’s Biggest Competition is Sleep, Says CEO Reed Hastings (Independent UK)
Netflix CEO Reed Hastings has claimed that the streaming giant’s biggest rivals aren’t Amazon, YouTube or even traditional broadcasters.
According to Mr Hastings, our need for sleep is actually its main barrier.
“You know, think about it, when you watch a show from Netflix and you get addicted to it, you stay up late at night,” he said.
MEME OF THE DAY:
Goodbye, till next time!
“Mr. Metal” Richie Eston
P.S. Would You Like Fries With That?